That guy. Typo.

The party I don't doubt...though if there's no surviving film in the FBI archives, I will probably be more likely to doubt.
We would like reality confirmation.

...the guy I think may be the other kid at the party, I was never able to contact. I sent letters to both his listed address ( i suspect he does not live there anymore ) and other persons in his family, trying to achieve contact, just to get an answer to " do you remember any of this?"

The new memories are just blips, but I was fat . Really fat. That did not happen until 7th grade.

Two weeks ago I said something similar to my therapist..."I don't want to find any more inner children". I just didn't. I want to be done. But the reality was that I found three more 8 year olds (for a total of 6) and two more 12 year olds (for a total of 4). I said "What if I work with these 5 and then find 5 more behind them? I really didn't want that. But I welcomed them into my consciousness and have been helping them heal. What else could I do? Right?

I have also wondered "How could no one have noticed? How could no one have seen me coming and going to his house?" But those are questions I never got answered. It was the 70's and people didn't question these types of things. If they noticed at all. I finally had to just accept that if someone did notice they either chose not to mention it or saw nothing wrong with it. It's an unanswerable question. So I accepted it as my truth that I willingly went to his house (so as to not be killed by him which was his promise) and left when he was done with me...and no one noticed.

I also want to find the logic in it all but there is no logic in it. You can't make sense out of the senseless. If you try you will drive yourself crazy. Sadly there is no answer other than the fact that these people were liars, manipulators and bat-crap crazy.

Sorry you are hurting from this latest alter showing up and new memories that it brought. It's hard. It's very hard indeed.

If you're finding new alters does it mean you're uncovering more of the truth? I don't understand how it works but be sure to take care of yourself. Do what you need to do for all of you to be happy and safe now.

Rizen - If Alters are like inner children then YES they hold the memories. As I have found each of my inner children they have all brought with them their own memories of the trauma. Will be interesting is BD's alters work the same way.

No personal experience, but just a supportive vibe to you.

i am very very sorry you were used and abused i have friends who have struggled and what could i say but gentle support

@ LE...basically.
My kids and adults...are basically specialists?
Toby holds the fear ( has tried to kill us) , Joy holds the love, Pottymouth the shame and arousal, Fisher's the skid-greasing jokester, Shawn's the bodyguard, Miss Perfect is a superego of sorts-was trying to get me to off myself for a long time-she thought if I was dead she could take over...
7-year olds, they don't do logic so well, yes?
There are some adults in here too, but they do not have the emotional wallop-save The Morrigan...she's older, Scottish, and seems to hold a cold rage. Rage-holding is a group activity here...
Jonathan is a crude modeling of my dad, also hates the rest of us, job was to make me screw up so as not to threaten dad...
Seriously! My dad would " put us in our place" if we expressed any pride in ANYTHING we had done! If he saw self esteem, he stomped it.
I'm the Front, have no actual name, just a title.
My job is to crumple satisfyingly to someone ho needs to be crumpled to, keep memory continuity, cloak the others, provide a conduit...Mom would scream at us and when she did, she would not let us dissociate: " ARE YOU LISTENING? WHAT DID I JUST SAY?" and I'd have to regurgitate the emotional abuse in the last sentence or she'd slap me " LISTEN TO ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!" * Slap across the face.* "YOU DISGUST ME!"
...she wanted me to cry. Dad would keep smacking if I cried. He was more dangerous. Besides that? Perversely enough, I did not want to give her the satisfaction of having broken me like that?
Eventually Shawn figured out the chores were a ruse. She wanted to slap and scream.
That's WHY she made us do chores, she wanted a pretext. So I deliberately pissed her off. That way we'd get the smack-and scream routine out of the way, and I could go have a cry alone, then go pretend I had a safe place to live on my own in the closet.
I was designed to give power-trippers a punching bag. My job.

...I thought everyone hears voices arguing in their heads. No, apparently that's somewhat less usual.
Dunno, but if you hear interior voices, you talk to them. If they are talking, they have things you need to hear.
My guy has a few in his head... I love them as well as him, in all their collective, quirky, nutty, brilliant splendor.

Dad was more dangerous, I should add, because he hated me and was capable of killing me. He wanted me to die, because my sickliness was the reason mom was not giving him the son my paternal granddad wanted.
I was useless, costly, and tied him to a wife he detested.
He also hit a lot harder.
Mom was a bit more tempered, probably will never admit in the love, there was also resentment for me existing.
They were both feeling trapped and hating their choices.
They both took that out on me. So I assumed everything really was my fault.
I have been able to rea emotion from a young age, but I ascribed motive like a kid does; we were kids inside.
Some of us still are in here?

...Toby tried to kill us when we were six by freezing us to death in the snow. He should have put snow boots on, the ice hurt our feet too much.

The costly part? That's why selling me happened, I think.
Dad wanted to make a little back on his useless, stupid female child.
I recall that guy handing over a small pile of grubby bills-that guy being the first one, who bought me treats and had me in his car.
...I vaguely remember being ho-hum about that whole thing.

I'm so sorry you have gone through so much misery blue... It's not within my experience but I wanted to hug you....xo

Thanks...um, it was just what happened.

Some of the stuff, stuff I got back a long time ago? That is " something painful and sad that just happened."
The other stuff, the new recall, is " F***, THAT happened?OW! DAMN! GAAH! GRR !"

The point of talking about it and posting about it ad nauseam being the new stuff becoming like the old stuff emotionally.

Annoying, too. I would really like the " Guess what happened to you! " gameshow to get canceled here, yanno?
Just something painful that happened.