you have a right to talk about what you want to, it's considerate of you for anyone who does have an issue with a topic to post a trigger warning.

Maybe I'm confused, wouldn't be the first time. Are you saying you struggle to say no so not yet is as close as you can get to say it? If you are then you definitely aren't alone. Embracing your right to say no was stolen from you at a young age so I can understand why it feels foreign and uncomfortable now. Like you don't have a right, it feels, so you please others and yourself by keeping it a maybe on both ends.

For me, growing up in a family with zero boundaries, no was a confrontational word. No meant a fight will ensue and I'll be forced to be "impolite" for thinking differently. For many years I'd avoid that fight and agreed just for the sake of family. Little by little that chipped away at who I was and relying on myself was difficult, still is but getting better now only because I went low contact then no contact with the people I found I coukdnt say no to.

I hope I understood what you were saying and was able to help you feel less alone. Hugs arf

Here's my "not yet" story, arfie.

I posted here earlier this week about how lucky I was once to be on the college committee that invited the author of A Wrinkle in Time, Madeleine L'Engle, to my college's campus in my younger days.

Her book is being made into a movie right now. Disney's A Wrinkle In Time.
opens in US theatres March 9, 2018.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4U3TeY2wtM

Since her classic book had the word "time" in its title, at dinner I asked her for a pearl of "timeless" wisdom. With a twinkle in her eye, not a wrinkle, she said: "Oh, I had a bad decade there once, dear."

Ouch. A bad DECADE? You pray and you wish for relief and the answer is not yet for DECADE?

I grew into her answer over time myself. Still am. It took a lot of what some call meditation, some call prayer, and a lot of support, because not yet is hard for me.

But some of my wishes have come true. I remind myself in my gratitude journal that when I was a 9 year old missionary kid I got PTSD when my family car was hit by a bomb in a war overseas. Now that country has democracy and peace, and I've been back to the street corner where that happened to celebrate the change. The dictatorship took 12 years--over a bad decade.

But peace did come, just not yet right away. I'm praying you strength through the not yet for you, too, my friend.

Okay, I understood it differently than jenny did, and that's just me internalizing. However, I do agree with Jenny about the whole please others hard to say no stuff.

I read it as if the not yet is in reference to not being where you anticipated being in your herstory. And that sometimes when everything is saying to you that you just aren't there yet, you hear No like you can never get there, and you give up the trying.

I relate to both interpretation, which in and of itself should set me off mind numbing self conversations but it isn't so I'm not questioning it. I'm just gonna go with.

And I also think I go with never give it up, maybe just take a break and leave the details of when to return to the project tbd

triple hugs~

Ugh this is why I failed in word questions in math. Nothing ever added up in my head. Sorry arf, I understand what you're trying to say here now. Mental note to read a couple times before responding. Hugs

i do that too, Arfie xo

Sounds like me, Arfie. And my hubby, who has no PTSD. "Not yet..." = No. I was raised to "know" differently, but... yeah, well, it feels like a "no". Spiritually, like I'm a toddler told I can't have the chocolate bar "not yet" when I want it "now", so that "not yet" = "no". And sometimes, or a lot of times, in adult life.... "not yet" feels like a total "no".

Easy enough for me to say "don't feel like a failure", but, when I feel like a failure...it's really hard to shake off.

One of my issues with "society" is that it tends to worship "success". Look at those pretty FB pictures. Look...the cure for cancer. Look at that art.

While I wish you all the success in the world with your hydroponics, I think that you're enough of a success just with what LOVE you give on here.



There's a video on youtube right now, that got my attention because it was trending. It both has made me very sad, and given me hope. Maybe it might help you too?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUgrVCDUCtE

I'm not the brightest bulb in the lamp but I read this as: God not answering your prayers in the time frame you'd hope Him to. If I'm wrong, I apologize.

I guess I read it that way because I often feel that way and I, too, feel like a failure because everything seems to be at a standstill in my life, and the rest of the word too. Not that I would know what's going on in the world. I just assume the worst.

I'm saying a prayer for you. I hope it gets better.

Gentle hug for you sweetie..... I really have to go back to the 'journey' of life so often.... I'll feel my blessings or that a prayer has been answered for a while sometimes and then not

Sometimes I think living in the 'baby step' realm works better for me

I talked with a priest once when I was caregiving my folks and I was in a huge depression.... I told him that I didn't 'feel' God at all and he said you don't have to feel him you just have to know that he's there.... Another hug and a blessing......xo

Leaving room for the vastness of human diversity which allows for more than one valid interpretation, to me, Not yet = No. Failure on the first effort = Can't be done.

I am a natural speed freak. (who needs chemicals?) and I tend to believe that if I can think it, I must be ready to pull it off. Preparation? That's for the non-genius faction. I'm a genius and I have the the test scores to prove it. Don't bother me with that gobbley-gook about talent being a gift with the assumption that you'll provide the gumption.

Seeking the balance between the extremes? For sure, the only thing harder than finding a balance is keeping a balance. Even marble statues topple eventually.

I edited a olot down to.... is that fear talking? That if it's not right and right now, that it is impossible, and that means..... (fil in blank of dire consequence)? I ask, b/c that's what it boils down to for me. And how do we as humans ever conquer fear? Yeah. Not too sure, but.... support as you seek.