I haven't had a nightmare in a couple weeks I think but last night after a long and stressful day at work, it happened again. Go figure I only had 5 hours to sleep in between jobs and the second I fell asleep the nightmare started. It's usually the same one over and over but last night was different. It actually combined two of my traumatic episodes into one.

TW: Car Accident/Miscarriage

*I was driving down the street to work, just like it actually happened. It felt so real. It was cold and bitter out, it had snowed the night before. Driving down the highway in my pick up truck it was a tad slippery so I slowed down. I felt my car lurch to the right after skidding for a split second on ice and then all of a sudden I started to roll. It felt like I was spinning forever and when I finally came to a stop, I looked to my right and there in the passenger seat that had been empty before, was a little girl, sitting lifeless with a gash on her forehead. I didn't even know who this little girl was but I jumped into action, ignoring my own pain I leaned over and unbuckled the limp child and pulled her from the truck. Before I knew it, an ambulance had arrived and they demanded I sit down so they could evaluate my injuries. I refused because I couldn't leave the child alone knowing she was seriously hurt. We were both rushed to the hospital to be treated for our injuries but on our way the little girl started seizing and bleeding out of her nose, mouth and ears. Her heart rate dropped and she flatlined there in the back of the ambulance. One of the EMTs looked up at me and said "I'm sorry, but there's no pulse...your daughter is gone"*

It hit me so hard in the gut. April 20th 2015 would have been my due date had I not lost my daughter. That little girl in the truck was what I imagined my 4 year old daughter present day. The big blue eyes and brown curls with olive skin that will never have a chance to walk this Earth. I feel so broken today.