Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I also suffer from PTSD d/t controlling parents. My father is verbally and emotionally abusive to my mother. i did not figure this out until i was in my mid 30's. My mother was also controlling when we were younger. i finally realized that she controlled the kids because he controlled her. and he wanted the kids to be seen and not heard. i had absoluetly no idea of this dynamic until i started therapy. and i only started therapy because i just kept picking loser after loser after loser for boyfriends. i even ended up w/my sons father who was physically, emotionally, verbally, and mentally abusive. it was quite a shock to learn that i ended up w/this abusive guy because i had seen so much abuse and control when i was growing up. strangely enough, i would rather end up w/the physically abusive boyfriend because the signs are easier to see. mental, verbal, and emotional abuse are so insideous. sometimes you don't realize how things are until you are already "groomed."
its been 7 years for therapy and i still have triggers. usually when i am in large crowds, if i do not know the area of where i am going, or if i am with certain family members!!!! i do not think this ever goes away. it only gets less difficult to manage. and it won't take days/weeks from me wheni i do experience a triggering event.
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https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
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Good Thursday to you!I've been watching a really long trial on Youtube these last couple of nights and will finish tomorrowHopefully I'll be in the land of nod soon and I hope my peeps are having sweet dreams followed by a great daySending hugs...xo
I don't believe the triggers ever go away. Unexpected surprises are part of life. What has changed through my own therapy work is how I handle those unexpected and unpleasant surprises. With the help of my therapy tools, I am better able to navigate the trigger events without derailing my entire day.
But that is me. . .
Gentle support while you find what works for you. Welcome aboard.
Firstly we probably had it better than our parents did. Each generation probably tries to do better for their kids than their parents did.
So try to cultivate some forgiveness and compassion for your poor parents who'll probably never get help to recover from their childhoods
Then I guess LOADS of people are controlling, if we could control the world we'd feel amazing right?
Loads of people cope by changing others so they feel better. The secret is.... Is every body an on board team player with good intentions who you can ask to change or problem solve another solution with, even if that's just helping you process your pain to acceptance
Or are you surrounded by arseholes who fight dirty??? And probably enjoy it so have no incentive to change
Define the different types of abuse to person state abusing makes you a bad person if they aren't genuinely horrified at realising they are abusive and make efforts to change then you've got a right one on your hands!I
Ditch evade gain supporters therefore protection
Luckily my family once they realised I wasnt attacking them all had good intentions to heal family
We all got triggered trying to relate
It was my job to do
HALT
REWIND
WHAT JUST GOT SAID OUR DID TO CAUSE THIS FIGHT?
Because we were all sincere things healed changed and got better for the family
As the misunderstandings and triggers got talked about
Things improved
People weren't so triggered, misunderstandings less, more supportive
Started painting with family, more opportunities to van abuse and model saying nice things and talking about the pictures gave the option to share safe things
My father was a liar and a blamer, family therapy called it "the blame game"
I became to sure in my understanding of what was going on instead of deceived by his abuse tactics that I then exposed him as a liar and blaming every time he evaded responsibility
I also made admitting his mistakes etc non painful
Would rather he just admitted he ate all the biscuits than gas light every one into attacking a scapegoat!
I
I did eventually start enjoying my families company
But I got ill just as the miracle happened
Ho hum...
Years of effort trashed overnight
Suxs
It's like SO OOOO much easier to just go out with someone sane and nice!!!
It is such hard work coping with abusers, every day is an effort to cope with their nastiness which they just feel free to dump on everyone without apology
If a relationship is hard work and your feeling bad
Do your checks... Are you with an abuser???
If the behaviour and words are ok then that's ok!
Probably
Haven't been upset by my bf once in over a year???
That's great yeah, !?
Come on there's some karp in that ocean not just sharks... Let's go have some fish!
If they didn't you might do something unsafe
Or do bad things hurtful things
They are kinda carrot and stick training you how to fit in with society so your nice good company and learn not to do dangerous things
My mum used to slap me as a one year old for exploring the room I was in, apparently because she thought I was going to touch something dangerous
Of course I then went around slapping other kids
So she figured I'd learnt that from her so stopped
She then decided removing everything I ever v formed an attachment to was the best way to cause me pain and get me to do as she wanted
Even as an adult when I developed cptsd and was awake all night scared to sleep trying to cope by going on internet
She tried to contact my therapist and end the relationship
I'd grown attached to
Banned me from using the internet she said I was addicted to
So I took to painting in my bedroom at night to cope
She then ordered me to bed with the lights off
And the dark was very triggering because I was abused in the dark and I was waking up screaming setting shadows of people next to my bed
The final straw was her ripping my headphones off my head and forcing me to read her victim blaming letter
Telling me to expect sex if I'm alone with a man
And not to go to the police to think of her feelings and the rapists
Well in my cptsd state her mad behaviour just did my head in, I feared I would act on my urge to pound her head in so left home
Perhaps she thought she was helping me by making me have a bed time routine and educating me that I was keeping them all awake so being an unreasonable house mate
But I just felt over whelmed by distress and unable to cope with her controlling behaviour and her inability to leave me alone
She had never been able to give emotional comfort
She came to the house the other day complaining that a guy dying of cancer was going on and on about his cancer and that it was boring
Yet I intuitively guess that she is worried about needing help for panicking about her own cancer that she's got the all clear for
Lol I really have no idea what to say to her in response to her distress
Guess you have to receive some to give it huh?
When I came here to DS PTSD and members shared that I wasn't alone, in addition to sharing their CPTSD stories they shared CPTSD therapy specialist Pete Walker with me. There are many CPTSD specialists out there, but Pete Walker's website is one of the most accessible, complete source of CPTSD recovery info out there. He's got a book on CPTSD out, too, subtitled "Survivor to Thriver."
http://pete-walker.com/complex_ptsd_book.html
Thanks for sharing. It helped me with my own CPTSD today.
Yeah I basically thought my family caused a load of problems for me so what better way to recover than immerse yourself in the craziness and find your way out with education and boundaries and new tactics
Haha x I don't know if I recommend it! Gaslighting for about a year and a half had me feeling crazy. I tell you! I felt as if someone had stated id drunk a cup of coffee despite fact I hate coffee. I would have doubted myself and questioned my reality. All their tactics for swinging it around on me and blaming me, calling me crazy and that didn't happen and crying and anger etc etc
I still don't know to this day if they genuinely don't remember their bad behaviour or if they are just liars. From their bad behaviour
I decided to regain a bit of sanity by just deciding that logically everyone must exist in different dimensions where different things are happening in their experience. Just to end the invalidation and abuse
Ive finally gone no contact now. Their behaviour last year was the final straw