Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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New nightmare and more memories

dsf95
dsf95

Thanks for all the support during my assault trauma from August 2015. I have been obsessing on the assault itself and was blocking out memories from the dance studio from last spring and summer. I feel that I have moved on in a lot of ways. 


I had a nightmare this week. A faceless dance teacher promised to help me get dance shoes. He disappeared into a "shoe room" and never came back. 


Then, I remembered the reason I had that nightmare. A fellow student in the class suggested to me that I buy ballroom dance shoes so I could "twirl." I had just spent $50 on dance shoes before my dance teacher came out to refuse to dance with me ever again semi publicly towards the end of the dance party. I just couldn't handle the humiliation of my incest issues and started shaking from a PTSD episode. The compassion he showed me by hugging me until I stopped shaking meant a lot to me. But it wasn't really forgiveness or he wouldn't have kicked me in the vagina months later.


i have to wonder... This seemed like a planned humiliation at the party. I was personally invited there with a phone call by one of the dance teacher's constant dance partner. She was being very over friendly and immediately disappeared as soon as he came over. 


I guess they deal with some creepy customers and they know how to throw out the unwelcome mat when needed. But the level of cruelty here bothers me. Even given all my behavior, the level of cruelty bothers me. I have had so many rough experiences, but I have never seen that kind of cruelty before. 


donnawanda
donnawanda
If they had wanted to draw a boundary with you, there were civilized, respectful ways to do it. What he/they did is inexcusable and uncalled for. It is awful that we have to suffer so many times over for the crimes committed against us. I have also been triggered by people and had my reactions misinterpreted as infatuation when it was really a kind of panic. Not saying it's the same with you, but it's similar.
arfie
arfie
In the healing of my strictly personal amnesia (extreme), I have come to believe the point of the obsessive/intrusive memories is not reliving the trauma, but in retrieving the precious gems that were buried in the mind-slides of the trauma. In my own strictly personals, quite allot of precious gems were buried in those mind-slides. Turns out that even a child prostitute has a few gems worth remembering in her childhood. That hug from that classmate sure sounds like a gem to me. Well worthy of some polish. Wanna borrow my spit rag? I'm Old Army. I likes spit polish. Gets a sheen chemical polishes still can't match.
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
I think there's a lot of merit to both replies above (and agreement on spit polish, btw). How each person sees the same incident is why eyewitness testimony makes lawyers cringe. Keep sorting, but don't obsess, okay? You may be looking for a conspiracy after the fact, when in fact there was coincidence. Or as we nerds say, "Correlation is not causation". Truth will out, even in our brains, eventually. Go easy.:-)
dsf95
dsf95
I was getting infatuated with him and I know I was making him very uncomfortable during the tango class. I just wasn't expecting to have the fear response to the tight dance frame that reminded me of being pinned to the bedpost standing up years ago by my uncle. I wasn't expecting to have a hormone problem. I have sympathy for the dance teacher who felt uncomfortable, and I have sympathy for the dance teacher who hugged me. But I can't have sympathy for him assaulting me or for the others who were bystanders at best. He went too far.
dsf95
dsf95
Thanks for all the replies!
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