Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I suppose I should start with some back ground. I developed PTSD mostly from my time in the military - from a misdiagnosis that almost cost me my life. But it also stems from a very abusive family when I was little - trips to the emergency room were quite common, once a month or so, from 'accidents' that would happen when my parents were drunk.
Other than periodic bouts of depression and the occasional attempted susicide, things did not get bad until about a year after I left the Army. At that point I developed a panic disorder. It started slowly with one or two panic episodes of curling up and screaming until I passed out a month - at it's worst it was happening two or three times a day. But I slowly learned to deal with it - with the help of a Service Dog. After two years of being completely house bound I was able to drive and to work again. I had my life back.
That was about a decade ago. My dog is retired and I am trying to train a new dog - who is not ready to take on the responsibilities, but she is trying. I also broke my back seven years ago. A crushed vertibra and two collapasing disks have me on more pain killers in a day than I want to admit to taking - I hate pills. But a good Psych doctor, and excellent support from my hubby and daughter (and Service Dog) had me down to two or three panic attacks a YEAR for several years!!!
And now my life is turned upside down again and I can't stop the panic! I spent the summer, well, really since May, fighting with a diagnosis of cancer. Surgery and raditation therapy have left me physically weak - much more restricted in what I can do than my crushed spine and six vicaden a day. I feel so weak and helpless I don't know what to do.
Recently, things have gotten even worse. It started with my daughter coming home on Monday from helping a friend and telling me that my husband had called her - I lost my phone charger weeks ago so it is as dead as a door nail - his car was overheating and he was having to limp it home... At that point I took my antipanic meds, 1mg of Clozapam, and did my best to just sit and shake rather than curl up and scream.
It took him an extra two hours to limp his car home. The shop with the mechanic we trust was booked solid for the next two weeks - but my daughter starts her school year (community college) and so do I (4 year out reach program at the same location at least) on Monday - we HAVE to have two cars.
The rest of the night I fought to keep my panic at bay - I was bad and used my narcotic pain killers to help achieve numb. But my own personal heck was continued the next morning as hubbies job kept him busy and I had to use my daughter's phone (talking to people at all terrifies me so I hate phones) to find another shop that could see the car and arrange for AAA to tow it in. When the physical exhaustion from the radiation therapy combined with the emotion exhaustion of keeping myself drugged to the point of numbness, I took a three hour nap.
While I was alseep, the shop called and quoted my daughter just over $600 to replace the cracked radiator and fried thermastate. She declined them fixing the shocks as we had to borrow the money to get it running. So I got to wake up to wondering how we were going to come up with almost $700 to fix the car - which should be ready by end of day.
I was not able to get in touch with hubby until almost 5pm - he was really busy at work. He took an hour of being chewed out by his mom about having to borrow money, but she agreed to give us $700 to get the car out of the shop. Having him get yelled at sent my panic going all over again. So that was Monday - three full panic attacks that left me shaking and screaming in the bathroom when no one was looking.
Tuesday did not start any better. Worrying about what we would do with just one car - my gas guzzling SUV tow vehicle - gave me nightmares and I woke up in a panic. In an attempt to calm down, I took my goats out and watched them eat blackberries while waiting, hoping mom-in-law would actually come through with the money and dodging phone calls from the shop.
When I came back in from gaining some calm from my goats - it was to my daughter getting dressed. Her friend was on the way over, the money was in the bank and they were going to go get the car. It took seconds for my hands to start shaking again. Vicaden, Clozapam, and my muscle relaxants (Carisoprodol) were mostly enough to take me numb so I did not wind up screaming until after the girls left.
Hours went by with no word - now I knew they planned to hang out for a while, but it didn't help that I did not know if everything went ok or not. The more time that passed, the more upset I got. Finally four hours later, an hour after he was supposed to off work, I get an IM from hubby at work. He is finally done and heading home - but there has been a problem. Our daughter called him, the $600+ estimate turned into $870 and the car had already broken down and daughter was currently waiting for a tow truck to take it back to the shop.
Can we say panic? At least I did not pass out. My daughter got home about ten minutes before hubby (who has an hour commute each way). It seems that the shop did not clamp down two hoses when they replaced the radiator - one emptied the radiator. The other, was the one to the tranny - which although she drove the car less than ten miles, may be toast. We have a note from the tow truck driver that he found the two hoses imporperaly attatched.
The shop accused my daughter of doing something to the car as it could not possibly be thier fault. Hubby is going to call them this morning to see if they will make this right without having to go to court.
How we are going to handle next week with only one car that take $25 in gas for hubby to drive to work and back - not to mention it looks like we will have to drop him off then pick him up - I have no idea.
The stress of so many panic attacks has wrenched my back to the point that my pain killers, though making me emotionally numb, is leaving me in horrible pain.
I just don't know how to stop panicacking...
Other than periodic bouts of depression and the occasional attempted susicide, things did not get bad until about a year after I left the Army. At that point I developed a panic disorder. It started slowly with one or two panic episodes of curling up and screaming until I passed out a month - at it's worst it was happening two or three times a day. But I slowly learned to deal with it - with the help of a Service Dog. After two years of being completely house bound I was able to drive and to work again. I had my life back.
That was about a decade ago. My dog is retired and I am trying to train a new dog - who is not ready to take on the responsibilities, but she is trying. I also broke my back seven years ago. A crushed vertibra and two collapasing disks have me on more pain killers in a day than I want to admit to taking - I hate pills. But a good Psych doctor, and excellent support from my hubby and daughter (and Service Dog) had me down to two or three panic attacks a YEAR for several years!!!
And now my life is turned upside down again and I can't stop the panic! I spent the summer, well, really since May, fighting with a diagnosis of cancer. Surgery and raditation therapy have left me physically weak - much more restricted in what I can do than my crushed spine and six vicaden a day. I feel so weak and helpless I don't know what to do.
Recently, things have gotten even worse. It started with my daughter coming home on Monday from helping a friend and telling me that my husband had called her - I lost my phone charger weeks ago so it is as dead as a door nail - his car was overheating and he was having to limp it home... At that point I took my antipanic meds, 1mg of Clozapam, and did my best to just sit and shake rather than curl up and scream.
It took him an extra two hours to limp his car home. The shop with the mechanic we trust was booked solid for the next two weeks - but my daughter starts her school year (community college) and so do I (4 year out reach program at the same location at least) on Monday - we HAVE to have two cars.
The rest of the night I fought to keep my panic at bay - I was bad and used my narcotic pain killers to help achieve numb. But my own personal heck was continued the next morning as hubbies job kept him busy and I had to use my daughter's phone (talking to people at all terrifies me so I hate phones) to find another shop that could see the car and arrange for AAA to tow it in. When the physical exhaustion from the radiation therapy combined with the emotion exhaustion of keeping myself drugged to the point of numbness, I took a three hour nap.
While I was alseep, the shop called and quoted my daughter just over $600 to replace the cracked radiator and fried thermastate. She declined them fixing the shocks as we had to borrow the money to get it running. So I got to wake up to wondering how we were going to come up with almost $700 to fix the car - which should be ready by end of day.
I was not able to get in touch with hubby until almost 5pm - he was really busy at work. He took an hour of being chewed out by his mom about having to borrow money, but she agreed to give us $700 to get the car out of the shop. Having him get yelled at sent my panic going all over again. So that was Monday - three full panic attacks that left me shaking and screaming in the bathroom when no one was looking.
Tuesday did not start any better. Worrying about what we would do with just one car - my gas guzzling SUV tow vehicle - gave me nightmares and I woke up in a panic. In an attempt to calm down, I took my goats out and watched them eat blackberries while waiting, hoping mom-in-law would actually come through with the money and dodging phone calls from the shop.
When I came back in from gaining some calm from my goats - it was to my daughter getting dressed. Her friend was on the way over, the money was in the bank and they were going to go get the car. It took seconds for my hands to start shaking again. Vicaden, Clozapam, and my muscle relaxants (Carisoprodol) were mostly enough to take me numb so I did not wind up screaming until after the girls left.
Hours went by with no word - now I knew they planned to hang out for a while, but it didn't help that I did not know if everything went ok or not. The more time that passed, the more upset I got. Finally four hours later, an hour after he was supposed to off work, I get an IM from hubby at work. He is finally done and heading home - but there has been a problem. Our daughter called him, the $600+ estimate turned into $870 and the car had already broken down and daughter was currently waiting for a tow truck to take it back to the shop.
Can we say panic? At least I did not pass out. My daughter got home about ten minutes before hubby (who has an hour commute each way). It seems that the shop did not clamp down two hoses when they replaced the radiator - one emptied the radiator. The other, was the one to the tranny - which although she drove the car less than ten miles, may be toast. We have a note from the tow truck driver that he found the two hoses imporperaly attatched.
The shop accused my daughter of doing something to the car as it could not possibly be thier fault. Hubby is going to call them this morning to see if they will make this right without having to go to court.
How we are going to handle next week with only one car that take $25 in gas for hubby to drive to work and back - not to mention it looks like we will have to drop him off then pick him up - I have no idea.
The stress of so many panic attacks has wrenched my back to the point that my pain killers, though making me emotionally numb, is leaving me in horrible pain.
I just don't know how to stop panicacking...
For the last eight weeks or so, hubby has had a full time permanent job that actually pays reasonable money. After two years of unemployment and food bank donations, we are playing catch up to get all the bills and everything else that got left behind paid. It is one of those situations that once he has been at this job for six months or a year, we will be just fine - until then, we budget every dollar that comes in and by the end of the pay period there is not a dollar to spare.
My new dog does help - she helps a LOT, but as a seven month old puppy, I can only lean on her so much emotionally without burning her out, as I want her to work with me for the next seven to ten years - babying her now, is worth the extra problems for me.
I would LOVE public transporation!!! But we are six hilly miles from the nearest bus stop that only connects up to main lines twice a day - and if one is lucky enough to get connnected up to the main lines, one or two miles is as close as we can get to our distination. Not feasable at all I am afraid - though I keep hoping that one day the local government will figure out that REAL public transportation would make everything better!!
So we got the car back yesterday... had it towed from the hated shop after they fixed it, to our favortite shop who checked it over for free. He gave it the all clear so we once again have two cars and hubby is back to driving his 28mpg commuter car 100 miles a day to and from work rather than my 12 mpg tow rig!