I have a 13 year old son and sometimes, although I hate to admit it, I feel a little nervous around him. I am very afraid of men and when he went through puberty and got bigger than I am it triggered some intense feelings for me. I love my son so much-but I feel very nervous when we have had to be in a hotel room together and it is very hard for me to sleep. I have so many issues related to sleep and safety and I feel terribly guilty that I feel this way about my own child who I love.. My rational brain knows he would never hurt me, but the emotions that get triggered are very tough. I think you should tell her that you are not trying to hurt anyone's feelings but you need to take care of yourself. It is hard to do.

Please don't apologize, as there's nothing wrong with your request!

I have horrible sleep issues. It's hard for me to adjust to a new place, even if it's a "safe" hotel room by myself, or in a vacation house at the beach. Heck, even at home I sleep with the door locked! My friends don't understand why I don't like camping. I LOVE the outdoors, but sleeping on a flimsy air mattress or cot is not my cup of tea and I'm up all night. Having sleep issues is something that we must accept, and accommodate for. Maybe you could explain this to your friend?

Also, it may be a bit more difficult to have a girls night if her son is there. Just a thought.

Thanks for all the advice. This has me upat 3am worried. I now feel better hearing your stories.

I agree with 51, I dont think a 13 yr old boy needs to hear 2 adult women discuss personal issues that may come up. He will get over it.

My friend has agreed and I am looking to forward to our time together. thanks.

Well it back fired. My friend is no longer coming. I am so depressed I hate these triggers. Hope we can keep our friendship strong. She is bing nice and saying it is car trouble. But I really think it is because I said her son could not stay with me. She will text me but not speak to me. One more really dissaponting moment in my life. I am so depressed, feel so alone. Is this really what the rest of my life is going to be? Almost wish my attempt to end my life lsat week worked. But I have alot to live for, I think.

Don't let this hurt you. I too have sexual abuse in my past and sleep issues. I sleep with a night light at home, don't sleep well with my boyfriend even though he is a very sound sleeper, new places I am not comfortable, don't like camping outside, etc. just like the last poster. You said what you needed and you can't feel guilty. When we speak our needs it doesn't mean we are BAD or WRONG. It's just a preference. If you feel that bad about it just tell your friend that you were uncomfortable and the reason why. It has nothing to do with her or her son. It's just what's so. We as children couldn't get our needs met, now when we speak up we second guess ourselves as if we don't matter. Everyone isn't the same and we all react to things differently. I hope you don't go to the place of "I'm not good enough" and I might as well end things when you get in these situations where you feel defeated. Give yourself credit for speaking your mind and not saying "ok go ahead" when you would have been miserable. Sometimes we have to say something and sometimes we can just say ok, it's one nght and if I don't sleep so be it. I will have fun anyway.....
Be good to you!

And maybe she doesn't have care for her son and didn't want you to feel bad. We can't read what someone else is thinking. If she was put off, so be it. You didn't do anything wrong.

Thanks. I am trying to stay positive, not easy. This was to be the first friend to visit me in 7 years. I had a really bad week last week and made an attempt to. end my life. Still dealing with those issues. I just feel so alone. Between having no money and no friends it is really hard. wish I was not stuck in the house 24/7. Thank god I see my therapist in the morning. Thanks again for your support.

I think is inconsiderate of her to even ask to bring his son.
Who sleeps in the same room witha 13 year old they don't know? i'd feel very uncomfortable.Not because he would do anything.

But sleeping is a very personal thing and you have to know the people around you.At least i do.
I would not even be able to share a room with anyone even if i knew them.


Explain to her you have severe insomnia.

She know all about my abuse. I think that is why it hurts me so much. I was even nervous spending the night with her. As i have not spent anytime away except with family. But I knew that I could handle that. She wont return my phone calls. So SAD.