This is a really nasty memory and involves a hurt animal so please dont read if it will trigger you. I need to get this out of my head and put it in proper perspective.

The past week I have been feeling numb and distracted. My mind has been on something but I havent been able to pinpoint exactly what. I kept getting flickers and flashes of something but it was never enough for me to see the whole picture.

Finally on Wednesday as I was writing up a case note I realized I was distracted and my mind was elsewhere. It felt like seeing something out of the corner of my eye. It is hard to explain but I tried to relax and calmly remember what the other part of me was thinking about.
This is what it was:

My brother walked me up to Russells house. They raised pigs. We were standing outside a smallish building. I asked what was in the building. Russell said it is where we slaughter the pigs. He asked me if I wanted to see. I said yes. My brother said no. The next thing I know Russell opened the door and shoved me hard and shut the door behind me. I landed on the floorit had a dirt flooron my stomach. I rolled onto my side and when my eyes adjusted to the dark I saw the decapitated pig head. Needless to say I was completely freaked out. Just at that moment the door opened and my brother took my hand and pulled me up and out. Then he carried me home. I think I was in a kind of shock.

Russell was a sick one. He enjoyed the slaughter and the hunting. He enjoyed it more than he should have, in a way that wasnt normal.
I wonder if he has hurt anyone else.