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Last night I had a special dream. I've come down to Uruguay where I grew up and got PTSD in a civil war, looking to come back to the beginning and get renewal. I got it in my dream last night.
They say when you dream all the characters are different parts of you. I actually dreamed I and my mother were in a car talking about what I should be when I grew up. I told my mom it looked like I was about to get all A's in school and I asked, "so what should I be?" She waited, and I answered my own question, "I should love people, Mom." She put her arms around me, and prayed for me to find the vocation that would help me love people.
Mind you, that was me in my dream mothering myself as I was never mothered in real life. My real mother, sadly, orchestrated abuse for me in real life to make me a man instead of nurturing me. So in my dream, it was me putting my arms around my inner child to say the universe is unfolding as it should after all.
That's a great gift for me to get from this trip in Uruguay, having your help working through what it means day after day this week here at DS PTSD. That dream gave me the answer as to why I came down to Uruguay and faced all of those places where horrible things happened to me, horrible things I've worked hard to learn from and overcome since in my life in the USA.
I've had setbacks in my life in the USA. I was a university program director with a convertible and a condo on a golf course, but lost it all when I was put in the hospital for PTSD in 2000. I made a comeback and became a hospital chaplain, then lost that 10 years later when I got kidney disease in 2010.
Now I'm entering my fifth year teaching nursing students at a community college and am about to go up for tenure there, fingers crossed. I traveled 8,000 miles from the USA to Uruguay back to the beginning to check and see if that was good enough. What a blessing that I got the reassuring answer with a hug and a prayer for my inner child in my dream saying: yes, it's good enough.
May reassuring dreams of healing come to you, too, all my friends at DS PTSD. Here's to everybody getting a hug and a prayer they need for their inner child. No, really, this is a video of a bunch of kids who gave out free hugs to complete strangers one day all over downtown Montevideo. So this link is for hugs for all of my DS PTSD from me in Uruguay today!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFr1pYzq6BM
They say when you dream all the characters are different parts of you. I actually dreamed I and my mother were in a car talking about what I should be when I grew up. I told my mom it looked like I was about to get all A's in school and I asked, "so what should I be?" She waited, and I answered my own question, "I should love people, Mom." She put her arms around me, and prayed for me to find the vocation that would help me love people.
Mind you, that was me in my dream mothering myself as I was never mothered in real life. My real mother, sadly, orchestrated abuse for me in real life to make me a man instead of nurturing me. So in my dream, it was me putting my arms around my inner child to say the universe is unfolding as it should after all.
That's a great gift for me to get from this trip in Uruguay, having your help working through what it means day after day this week here at DS PTSD. That dream gave me the answer as to why I came down to Uruguay and faced all of those places where horrible things happened to me, horrible things I've worked hard to learn from and overcome since in my life in the USA.
I've had setbacks in my life in the USA. I was a university program director with a convertible and a condo on a golf course, but lost it all when I was put in the hospital for PTSD in 2000. I made a comeback and became a hospital chaplain, then lost that 10 years later when I got kidney disease in 2010.
Now I'm entering my fifth year teaching nursing students at a community college and am about to go up for tenure there, fingers crossed. I traveled 8,000 miles from the USA to Uruguay back to the beginning to check and see if that was good enough. What a blessing that I got the reassuring answer with a hug and a prayer for my inner child in my dream saying: yes, it's good enough.
May reassuring dreams of healing come to you, too, all my friends at DS PTSD. Here's to everybody getting a hug and a prayer they need for their inner child. No, really, this is a video of a bunch of kids who gave out free hugs to complete strangers one day all over downtown Montevideo. So this link is for hugs for all of my DS PTSD from me in Uruguay today!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFr1pYzq6BM
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Which explains the mysterious fevers and my extra fatigue. I'm so glad I pushed for answers.
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Due to my increased paranoia, anxiety, and a panic attack over the weekend, my psychiatrist has put me back in a full dose of Zyprexa until further notice. Every time I think I'm getting ahead something happens and it's back to square one. I knew he was gonna do this but I can't help feeling disappointed. It is what it is.
Big hugs back atcha.....xo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7UK4PIfZV0
SC, thanks for that link to your hometown of Toronto's counterpart to my Uruguay hugs link. Hugs from Toronto--that was sweet. I like that it used Canadian Leonard Cohen's song, too. Canada's greatest wise man.
The lyrics to Cohen's songs have led me through many a hard time to the other side. His recent album "Old Ideas" really boosted my courage to confront these Uruguayan places where I got PTSD. Cohen's song "Come Healing" comes to mind. I drove around a lot listening to it in my car in the USA before this trip to Uruguay.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA9VExCEV_k
"O gather up the brokenness and bring it to me now
The fragrance of those promises you never dared to vow
The splinters that you carry the cross you left behind
Come healing of the body Come healing of the mind"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJxrX42WcjQ
In the meantime, since I had that feeling of mission accomplished, I spent the day online planning my classes I'm teaching this Fall of 2015 back in the USA. I got 2 out of the 5 planned all the way from August to December. Whew!
Tomorrow I'm back to local stuff here in Montevideo. A best selling author who is the most famous therapist in South America, Dr. Jorge Bucay, is giving a lecture in town. Thousands are going, but I got a ticket for tomorrow night. I'm really looking forward to it.
He wrote The Power of Self-Dependence: Allowing Yourself to Live Life on Your Own Terms & Let Me Tell You a Story: A New Approach to Healing through the Art of Storytelling, both of which I got through Amazon.com.
http://www.amazon.com/Jorge-Bucay/e/B001H9MI4E/ref=la_B001H9MI4E_pg_1?rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_82%3AB001H9MI4E&ie=UTF8&qid=1438741760
So I'm looking forward to hearing what he has to say.
J.