So sorry for the abuse you endured. I met a friend through Daily Strength whose mom was a psychiatrist, of all things, who abused her as well. The abuse ran the gamut, the worst being that as a psychiatrist her mom prescribed abusive dosages of anti-psychotic meds and had her committed to psych units. Then her mom committed suicide, like yours did. It's amazing she survived mental abuse by a mental health professional.

It's amazing you survived, too. I survived growing up with mentally ill parents who became religious fanatics and took me off to live as a kid for six years in a combat zone as missionaries in a civil war overseas. My childhood had all kinds of domestic violence, sexual abuse, and combat violence. So it's amazing I survived, too.

I'm glad you found us, because I believe authoring our stories gives us authority and power to rise from being victimized. It's called logotherapy, and it comes from Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist who got thrown into Hitler's death camps in World War II. His wife, father, mother, and brother were killed there, but he got out and survived with logotherapy, writing your story, and lived to be 90 years old.

I'm hoping to do that, too. Maybe you as well. You're not alone, glad you found us, this is a healing place for those of us with such stories. You'll see others join in to say so here, too, I'm sure. Much support to you, new friend.

Hello, Ariana. Welcome to the forum. Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here. Pull up a chair and sit a spell, if you can stand the company of folks who are as messed up as you are. The strength I find in networking with people who are as messed up as I am is healing hope. The healing of one is the healing of us all.

Gentle support while you sort through that problem list, Ariana. We're here for you, if you want us.

Welcome.
Abuse began, documented, age 2. Ended age 17. (mostly) Functioned okay until medical trauma at age 41. Then WHAMMO. Much PTSD out of control symptom raging around in me.
My sis and dad were my abusers. My birth ruined lives. My existence was why bad things happened. In my head, I know my sis was programmed well by my dad (she was 5 years older, so that size difference counted in terms of intimidtion/authority)... I know my dad had reasons for being effed up.... Just as your mom and dad do. But that doesn't make it okay to make you feel as if *you* are the reason. You're not. My guess? Your dad can't get over it and is angry at your mom and so you're the available target --- classic, but still BS. He wants yout o be wrong b/c then he's not at fault, if he's at all like my late dad was. It's abuser mentality. THe OTHER must be wrong, because the SELF cannot be, or (? universe comes to end?)....

All that to say: Vent away, we're here. Healing hopes for you.

Hi!Welcome. I don't know what your exact situation is like BUT I do know what an abusive mother is like.I sympathize and empathize. She is one of the three reasons for my PTSD. She,like your father,denies that it was as bad as I say it is and she tells me CONSTANTLY that I just need to get over it already!. In addition to this there will be other times where she'll change her tune and say that I'm remembering wrong and that my childhood didn't happen the way I said it happened. Yeah,crazy making in the works!
So,I've had to learn how to tune her out,ignore her, and affirm myself. This didn't happen overnight,it took dedication,perseverance, and hard work,it took stumbling(and at other times) out right failure(BUT I NEVER allowed myself to permanently give up), and it took yr.s of learning truths(and tools) to be able to do it to the extent that I do it today!
I'm telling you this to encourage you and let you know that with perseverance,dedication, and hard work(and NEVER giving up in a permanent way)you can achieve this too!! You NEED to get books and workbooks(with your allowance) that can help and teach you. You,also, need to get affirmation cards or a book.
If you don't get an allowance than go to Pinterest.com. I don't(because of your age) know whether you can sign up or not BUT you should certainly try! They have(free) AWESOME affirmations,information on the 2 types of PTSD that there are etc.. You,and I,suffer from what's termed CPTSD. It can tell you about that. That way you won't feel so crazy(which crazy making does do) and you'll be better able to cope and do what I mentioned above. **Sign up was free for me because the internets' already paid for and ALL I had to do was type in my email address BUT the rules might be different for someoneone,like yourself,who is under age BUT you should definitely NOT let that stop you from trying!You desrve the positive affirmations,you NEED the information(to help counter act the crazymaking and help you in your journey),etc..!!**
Lots of hugs and best wishes sent your way!!

Sending you Internet hugs<3

You are not alone, we're here for you.

Thanks to you all for your words, they are very helpful...I’m glad I have people who will listen and understand me...

Hi, Welcome.


Are you by any chance, under 18? If so, have you tried talking to your school counselor about any of this?

Welcome Ariana..... I am so very sorry that you were so badly abused and that your father isn't supportive

DS is a good site.... I'm glad that you're here..... Gentle hug......xo

Yes I am under 18 and I go to an online school so no counselor...

Dear Ariana,

Look at how many responses you've received! Caring people, people who can make you feel good when you see them show up (just seeing them show up made me feel better, at reading your words and my caring, too). I can help with something (yay!) I can help with something! I learned a word which really helps, a single word which really helps the healing (and being healthy around difficult patterns), The word I learned is "validation" (to validate, validation, validating). I learned (sooooo helpful) is when therapists/counselors/caring people "simply do their routine," they're automatically healing people like you and I and others with abuse in the past. Why? I can tell you why the validating is so automatic and feels better. The reason why the validating feels better is the "unhealthy patterns" are seemingly all about "de-validating," or "invalidating" (for their own needs/loops/patterns they'd like disrupted with some bright memories also). Meaning what? Meaning, as woman, you've got something on your side. You can say to a friend, "Cheer me up a little bit, please?" and it's okay to ask such a thing. Saying to a stand-up comedian, "Say something funny," isn't always received the best, but until then you can ask such things like, "Cheer me up a little bit, would you please?" and you can also realize (even at this website) you can reach what seems so automatic for a few people, automatically validating you, automatically validating (because then you can look closer, once you realize you weren't hallucinating, or else you can't get a really good look at what you're feeling until you have a few healthy places to visit where people say "whatever you're feeling, we'd like to know" or "whatever you're feeling, express it during a safe environment" because I think you'll find a lot of "under the surface strength" arrives from merely such environments, and, also, "ideas" arrive and "patterns to establish" arrive and "patterns to disrupt creatively" arrive). I passed a couple of the worst times of my loneliness by "supporting others" (feels really good to feel useful sometimes). Do feel best, Ariana.