Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
My parents don't know about the sexual abuse. My mom was told by a nurse when I was in the hospital the second time, but she didn't tell me then, she told me a few months ago, when I couldn't do anything about it. And I am nowhere near ready to tell her now, so I lie... Which I am not proud of, but what else am I to do? I'm sure she has clues. I take meds for ptsd and I jump and scream everytime she wakes me up. Small things scare me. And that's only getting worse. It's a huge secret to keep but I keep it so she doesn't blame herself. Does anyone else struggle with this?
However, I have communicated that certain things (such as being awakened suddenly), will 'set me off'. Since she already knows of some of the abuse, maybe you could just let her know that there are certain events you feel uncomfortable discussing, that you're working through.
I also felt that in discussing it with my folks that not only would they blame themselves, but of the 'what if my dad hurts the perpetrator and goes to jail?'
Talk it out with the therapist, explaining you expect full confidentiality of your sessions while you work through it. Or you will not be able to trust her. Closing the door on your healing with her.
Someday you may be able, when you are stronger, to share this with your family but I don't believe the timing is now. It is too raw, they will go to your defense, very likely taking the jail time for knowing they destroyed someone that hurt you.
A prayer to you for strength, to get through this.
Ever think that maybe she DOES know all of it, but she figures that you'll tell her when you're ready to talk about it?
Any way to sit her down and say, "Mom, I need to tell you some stuff, but only because I think it's good for me to share this with you. But you have to promise me that you won't blame yourself or do anything to create any more drama, which includes trying to get revenge, okay?"
How about that?
There is a bonus too here for you. This kind of "Adult" talk with your mother will help form a new grown-up relationship with her. She will see you as a strong young woman, for facing the problem before you.
Girls reach emotional maturity around 22, before that the connections in the brain are not complete yet. So even if you think you are there, your brain is still forming. Things you do now help set those coping connections up to benefit you the most later in life. They can also be compromised now, so the talking it out now, will help remove some blockades.
That is the biology of brain growth, not just opinion. Guys don't get their growth completely until a few years later than girls...again just the biology of it. So the understanding of the fallout of behaviors is not yet developed in them. The inability of seeing the long term consequences to personal actions, is what is still growing.
(Though some opinions may vary on that. The connections in the brain take longer to form for guys around 28yrs. for them.)
But when I was molested as a boy by a male adult pedophile and told my mother, I had a response from her that traumatized me all over again.
It sounds like you have a therapist, or at least someone who is prescribing you PTSD meds. Maybe such a person could facilitate a conversation between you and your mom about this. That way it might be safer for you both.
If it wasn't necessary because your mom turns out to be more compassionate than mine, that would be fine with no harm done. It doesn't seem harmful to have taken the precaution of having a professional there to help though no help was needed.