I called mother to tell her her sister-in-law had died, and she immediately demanded to know, “where’s the funeral?” And later, insisted we give her a ride. I’ve been distancing myself from her..... my husband got a message last year, “I’m horny baby” on Facebook from her; she claims it was hacking, but I’d been giving her a ride to my dance group and told her I thought the instructor was cute, and suddenly, it was a competition for her to get more attention, and I realized she sees herself as sort of a beautiful, entitled princess; she loved the movie Gidget and talks about her online dating like she is Gidget. I really think she sent that message now. I think my grandmother felt guilty and protective that my uncle had done something to her when she was five, so he was sent away to live with his grandmother, and mother was both infantilized and spoiled. She is a like a child in a nearly seventy year old body. And, of course, my uncle had access to me as a child, access my mother thoughtlessly gave him on holiday trips and sexually assaulted me at age 17. But, I’m told basically it’s no big deal, she’s the real victim, he’s retarded, get over it, etc. 

So, the funeral was a nightmare made more stressful by her noxious presence. My late aunt believed that my uncle “Jack” was a near delightful child-man, but I believe he manipulated her and has an average IQ. He is not retarded; he has two Y chromosomes and is prone to violence and is s sexual predator. Awkward moments: her beloved niece, an only child with practically two mothers, while I have practically none; my other uncle once informed me that, even though I’m his only blood niece, that beloved “Jessica” is his “bud” niece. I really realized long ago trying to have a relationship with my other uncle was not worth having to be around the uncle who assaulted me.

so, a church friend of my aunt’s asked who I was before the service. When she found out I’m a relative on the husband’s side, she said, almost as a reproach, “she really took care of Jack.” I wanted to scream he should have been in prison the whole time, but I just said, “yes.”

then, my other aunt by marriage, her husband is my mother’s TWIN brother, asked how I was related to her! She is the worst aunt ever paired with the worst uncle ever! Then, later, from the pulpit, the preacher says, “they never had children, but they raised Jack together” I wanted to barf. 

Mother mostly behaved, but she insisted we stop at a store so she could have a Diet Coke. Of course she went in the store and took a long time buying snacks only for herself. She fell asleep and snored on the way home. When she woke up, she crunched potato chips loudly and rattled the bag while eating. I feel like I’m being tortured like the prophet Job. She even said, how sad it is Jack is being sent to a nursing home. My other uncle said Jack “didn’t handle the death well;” did he become violent like he did with me after my grandmother died? 

Family apparently doesn’t really matter to my relatives; it is arbitrary and relational. Nobody cared that my lonely childhood from hell occurred and they never loved me then and do not love me now and never will.