Today must be a very difficult day for you. I am sorry you are hurting and that this day brings back so many painful memories. I think you are doing the right thing by trying to stay positive. Just know my thoughts and prayer are with you to help keep you feeling safe and to keep those positive thougths flowing.

Sorry to hear your childhood was an endurance of horrific, multi-facitated abuse. I imagine that having a mother that behaved that way has been very complicated to sort out.
Glad you are keeping the "monster at bay."
Thanks for sharing.
Violet

I told my T the other day I am just waiting for my mom to die.

Mom is nuts.

Pretty much the 'my way or the highway' kind of person too.

Guess I hit the highway - rarely talk to her and sometimes ignore her calls.


I have seen other people all mushy about his or her mom. I just don't get.

Thanks for understanding, everybody. Crazy Canuck, a special thanks. Here I can say what's true but really unpopular in the general culture out there--like that, in my case, mom wasn't a positive presence. Having the freedom to say that and knowing I'll be understood here--that's priceless. It really helped me get through that day that comes around every year with all of its baggage. You're the best!

My mother came from a Victorian home and we had some Blackfeet in there. I think that it was my mother's mother who was pure Blackfoot. I can well imagine that trauma from being a Native American and being assimilated and then going into a puritanical Victorian Manifest Destiny family-ugh!

So, mom grew up in a strict environment. She was highly intelligent but she had some behavioral issues and was the second "mad" one of six. The oldest sister had high anxiety and depression and always ended up in the sanitarium. But anyway, my mom grew up as being told that she had to be the best and do the best by family and then was hassled with classmates about being homely and about having an attitude.

So, she translated that to a high anxiety and she would blame us:
"Look what you made me do, you made me burn my hand on the frying pan." So, I grew up with a bit of borderline and possibly manic depressive behavior from mom. This was moderate emotional and verbal abuse.

I'm sorry that your mom did this to you.

My mother died of Parkinson's with Senile Dementia and had many strokes, so I feel differently about mine because of how hard her death was. Her nerves also seemed to become twisted up so she never knew what was wrong and I am sure was frightened.

I'd read Psalm 91-that is always a wonderful psalm to read and I read it when remembering something that hurts.

I loved my mom but I do remember the bad times. I struggle now as my mother did and I am not sure what to do about it.

My mom didn't abuse me physically, though.

Thanks for sharing about your mom, the whole journey. When you wrote, "So, she translated that to a high anxiety and she would blame us:
"Look what you made me do, you made me burn my hand on the frying pan." it was heartbreakingly familiar. As a kid I loved my mom so much I would do anything for her, and did, actually. So when a mom figure did things like that, for me it was devastating.

It sounds like you found real compassion and peace later on, though, and that means a lot. I'm sorry she died frightened; that's the worst, it can't be consoled. I'm sorry, too, for what you yourself are going through. You seem to have a good 3 dimensional perspective on all of this, something I admire. I hope you are well.