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My abuser sent one of his intrusive postcards at work today. He only sends postcards now because he knows I wouldn't open a letter from him. It satisfies his stubborn stalking ego to think I might seen part of his message if it's open already, as a postcard is. He used to call me on my work phone. That's stopped now and his attempts to have intermediaries call me on my work phone, too. I got HR at work to order him to stop after I got a lawyer. So it's postcards.
The dear old dad who beat me and my mom mercilessly right up until he did it at Christmas again 2 years ago as an old man is also a minister. How pathetic he is to stalk his own grown son, unable in his narcissism to accept that he blew a 10 year second chance at a relationship and be a man and stay away. I separated myself from him when he went violent at Christmas in 1991, and stayed away until 2001. Then he, an old man, punched me in the face again Christmas of 2011, so that's it for me.
He didn't send that postcard to reach out to me, but to try and show he was back in good graces with his church authorities. Before I realized it was from him, I saw the photo on the postcard. The picture was of the town where they threw him out of his church years ago for corruption. I guess he went back to the town for a visit.
I've got a deal with my therapist that I'll mention the fact that I heard from him here to DS PTSD. But I almost went to bed without doing it. I had finished posting here for the day and had turned off my computer when I realized I hadn't remembered to mention it. Getting his postcard didn't throw my emotions off like it used to. I actually forgot about his postcard, the last resort for him, for the rest of the work day after throwing it away.
Abusers love to try and cast themselves in the starring role in our lives, but that spotlight they think they're standing in is just a flashlight they're holding over their own heads. Pathetic. Anybody else got a stalker who tries to make contact at work?
The dear old dad who beat me and my mom mercilessly right up until he did it at Christmas again 2 years ago as an old man is also a minister. How pathetic he is to stalk his own grown son, unable in his narcissism to accept that he blew a 10 year second chance at a relationship and be a man and stay away. I separated myself from him when he went violent at Christmas in 1991, and stayed away until 2001. Then he, an old man, punched me in the face again Christmas of 2011, so that's it for me.
He didn't send that postcard to reach out to me, but to try and show he was back in good graces with his church authorities. Before I realized it was from him, I saw the photo on the postcard. The picture was of the town where they threw him out of his church years ago for corruption. I guess he went back to the town for a visit.
I've got a deal with my therapist that I'll mention the fact that I heard from him here to DS PTSD. But I almost went to bed without doing it. I had finished posting here for the day and had turned off my computer when I realized I hadn't remembered to mention it. Getting his postcard didn't throw my emotions off like it used to. I actually forgot about his postcard, the last resort for him, for the rest of the work day after throwing it away.
Abusers love to try and cast themselves in the starring role in our lives, but that spotlight they think they're standing in is just a flashlight they're holding over their own heads. Pathetic. Anybody else got a stalker who tries to make contact at work?
I need her financial help,so I just have to take it. She sits here for hours, keeping me from getting the things done that I need to, and talks about herself incessantly.
I could keel over dead and it would just tick her off that I wasn't listening :/
If it weren't for my little boy, I would arrange to keel over. I'm so done with everything. Everything but him.
When I did work, she used to follow my car so she knew where I was parked. She's creepy.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. But it's courageous that you broke away. It's just not right how they can just intrude whenever they want though. It's just not right.
I did have one ex BF go bonkers when I ended it. He contacted my parents, went to my house, place of work, defiled my possessions before I picked them up. It was years later that I discovered that he wrote all in my yearbook and sprayed it with his cologne.
In some way, I'd be thankful for those postcards. I'd try to look at it as a gift of therapy. The prove just how far you've come and that his attempts are failing as you get stronger. If someone threw them out, I'd be more haunted by the wondering. But that's just me.
Sorry that you have to deal with this.
But when I got a lawyer and got my HR from work involved, that stopped. So I don't get a lawyer now over the postcards. I have the lawyer on retainer in case the ex-FBI guys shows up again or the phone calls start again. And they haven't, so I'm pretty happy at work these days.
Deli, that story of your ex-bf spraying his cologne all over your yearbook was creepy, like when canines mark their territory. Definitely not rational, as you said. True with my stalker, too. Stalking itself is an act of irrationality by definition, isn't it?
Thank God the movie's over. But the soundtrack still plays in my mind.
Yes, I had that happen... I'd had a restraining order, and when it came time to renew it, the court denied it as the guy said he had only a few weeks to live...the court believed him... (that was 7 years ago). He showed up at my work a month later, gave me a cassette tape , and another time, a letter. There were no apologies, just justification of why his actions were my fault. I had flashbacks and spells right there at work. The first time, I had do leave... I was so useless.
Years have passed, and he messaged me on Facebook... I have since blocked him. He is my daughter's uncle. I still have contact with some of his relatives, albeit from a distance, as I have since moved. Not one of his relatives ever mention him, thankfully. They know of some of his behaviors...
When he had some to my place of employment, I somehow pushed through the encounter... I'd been living in a crisis shelter, and was taken there by my manager when I fell apart after he'd left. There are some parts of the abuse I still cannot bring to recall... there were times when he had drugged me...
I had a short spell when he contacted me on Facebook... I was in the prescribing nurse's office when she helped me block him. Nightmares had returned, and I hadn't slept well for several nights .
I am better. I have begun to sleep without the recurring nightmares . I am not freaking out at the triggers that would at times render me useless.
I'm so thankful to you, Muji, and DS for helping me learn how to live a somewhat normal life by sharing your experience, what's helped, and tools for recovery.
I work at several places now... doing odd jobs, and i feel pretty safe. Maybe that's why I'd rather not work at one location... ??
I'm so sorry for what is happening with the postcards... I feel you handle and deal with it well. You recognize his motifs, and simply do not respond .. kudos to ((you)).
I am some what better knowing the majority of my abusers have passed, just one pesky brother left and another brother that did more. Both live states away, so I don't have to see them much. One former Step father, still around but way off my worry list now. I am no longer on his radar.
It took awhile to out live the rest of them, but here I am. Considering what they did, I'm pretty sure they won't be meeting me in the hereafter either.
I have gotten more understanding and help here thse last months, than anyone besides John has ever given me in my whole life.
So thank you for being here.
I wonder if I'll ever bump into any of them again. I sometimes wonder about the "what if"s.
I'm glad you feel safer. I do, too.
Jewells, yes, it was a milestone for me to almost forget to post about his sending a postcard to work. Last year it would have gotten to me to the point that I would have been to the lawyer. But I figure it's his little pathetic attempt to have the last word and "win."
Deli, I understand the strong angry urge to have the last word with these people. I really do.
The truth, though, is that he lost when I went to HR and my lawyer and got his ex-FBI guy to stop stalking me at work last year. So I am the winner. And I won because I'm sane and don't stalk or hurt anyone like he does. He just shows over and over that sane he is not.
Like you won, too, jr.
Those horrible people (especially ones who contact us) are the ones who can't move on. Losers.