You're going through quite a lot right now. And, it certainly hasn't been a cake walk leading up to now. You're in that place called lost. You're not though. It isn't what you want, trust me when I say I know...not that our illnesses are alike. Were we diagnosed with the 'same' sickness would we ever be alike. I get that you're angry. You are not patient either. Why be either? Be pissed off. Yes. You are grieving. I'm so very sorry that these things are happening to you. I hope you find some peace ~ tangible peace, preferably.
You take all the time YOU need. The rest will follow. You have intelligence and soulful retrospect on your side. Here wishing you the best for however long you need it.

I know I would have the utmost respect for you as my professor if you shared yourself with me a little. I think we all need to contribute to bridging the gaps between the body, mind, and soul. We must quit perpetuating the myth they can be compartmentalized. The best way to do that is to speak the truth one word at a time.

Maybe try this... "Students, I want to start off this lecture by sharing something a lttle personal. Grief occurs with any change because every change incurs loss. Today we are talking about anger and I want to let you know I am angry. I am grieving the loss of control. I'm suffering an intensely uncomfortable physical symptom and being shuffled between doctors in search of relief. So, lets move on with the lecture but if you hear a cuss word fly, have patience with me and as you go on with your lives, keep in mind that others behavior may have nothing to do with you."

Aww mujica I'm so sorry what your going through. I'm still praying for peace & relieve for you.
Sending a gentle hug

Irritation can be worse than pain, much worse. I hope the new Dr can help.

i'm so sorry,muji.

much support and prayers.

Have you thought about sharing your struggles with your nursing students? Chronic pain and chronic itching are beyond awful to life with. Most people have no idea just what it does to people's ability to sleep, sleep quality, dreams, ability to concentrate and so on...

It's hard to be at peace while constantly having these insect bite sensations--that they tell me aren't insect bites at all, just nerves dying from kidney disease. Plus you shower again and again trying to wash the feeling off and still feel dirty--though again, dirty or clean has nothing to do with it, right? It's crazy making to feel bugs on you all the time that docs tell you aren't even there.

Coping with the bug feelings that aren't there and coping with PTSD flashbacks to memories that aren't there doesn't leave many resources to be present in the present to whatever really is there. Not to mention that you have another reason to doubt whether what your brain is telling you is real or not. This is not peaceful, no.

It is impossible to be in peace while itchy! That is beyond stressful in itself. Sorry Muji, prayers to you

Big hug for you muji..... This must be bloody miserable.... I was looking this up online.... There's a Dermatology Centre in New York that seems to works with a number of other things (like kidney disease) perhaps looking for information from a centre like this might give you some information... Do you think your doctor would be willing to seek some advise on your behalf?

http://www.montefiore.org/dermatology

Yeah, SC, I've asked for a referral from out of town at the university hospital where my kidney doc is. The referral is for a dermatologist there who will work with my kidney doc and figure this out more than my local dermatologist with his topical creams. I expect to get an answer on my referral Monday.

The good news is that by posting here about how miserable I was, I didn't take it out on my class today when I taught the chapter on Anger in my classes on the 5 stages of grief. Once again, venting here worked to prevent PTSD blowups out there in the world. Thank you all!

sorry man. i hope they find a cream that works for you. what a huge headache.

Thanks, Mojo. It's great to have a thumbs up from you, my good man. You're the best.

I have a different spin on this. A year ago I developed body wide itching, so I understand how distressing this is for you. I couldn't sleep, tried Benadryl, etc, and nothing worked. I had a good doctor at that time and she had an ultrasound of my liver and it showed I had non-alcholic fatty liver disease. Then she ran alot of blood work and one thing that I learned while working for a veterinarian with animals that came in with fatty liver disease is that they have elevated ammonia levels in their blood. So, I asked for this to be checked and found I had high levels of ammonia in my blood which can cause Paresthesia (which is body wide itching). I was put on Lactalose as that binds with ammonia and can carry it out thru the urine. Within a few days the itching started to go away and finally stopped. But a year later, it came back with a vengeance, more itching. I was started on Lactalose and this time it did not reduce the itching until I stopped taking my anti-seizure drug called Depakote which is known for causing ammonia which causes itching. Slowly the itching subsided as the Depakote left my system. I replaced the Depakote with Zonegran for my seizures and within minutes I had intense Paresthesia which lasted for 24 hours. Called my neurologist and he said to take 500 mg of Magnesium Oxide 30 minutes before taking Zonegran again and within 2 days the Paresthesia went away. Now I take Magnesium Oxide 500 mg daily right before I take the Zonegran. Last neuro check, neurologist said I am still twitchy during the exam but to continue to take the Magnesium as I am still Magnesium deficient due to his findings. Back to your issue: prurigo nodularis diagnosis. Question for you, is the itching in one location or is it bodywide? I am being referred to a nephrologist (kidney doc) to rule out Urea Cycle Disorder due to not being able to get rid of the high ammonia levels in my blood. Hoping some pieces of this may help you.

I Muji..I can't begin to imagine the pain you are suffering and I'm so sorry the dag doctors don't seem to be much help. Below is the website I got this info from...it's a pain in the butt with pop ups, but lots of info on Kidneys. Have you tried a health store? You might beable to get some of the below bath stuff there. Best of luck to you!!!

http://www.kidneyfailureweb.com/skin-problems/337.html

Medicated bath is to put certain medicines or substances into the water to help alleviate discomforts and treat diseases.
The commonly adopted medicated bath for alleviating skin itching are:
Baking soda bath,Peppermint bath,Oatmeal bath,

For more detailed information about the medicated bath, consult the doctors for safety and effectiveness. Medicated bath can not only alleviate skin itching, but also have many other benefits like relieving fatigue, improving systemic blood circulation.
How to deal with itch problem in stage 4 chronic kidney failure?

Since we know high urea nitrogen is the root cause of stage 4 chronic kidney failure, bringing blood urea nitrogen under control will help to deal with itch problem:

1. Improve kidney condition: kidneys are responsible for discharging urea nitrogen. When kidney function is impaired, urea nitrogen build up, so when kidney function is improved, much more urea nitrogen will be discharged and also itch problem is remitted.

2. Limit protein intake: urea nitrogen is the end product of urea nitrogen, so the more protein stage 4 chronic kidney failure ingest, the more urea nitrogen are produced. In this light, limiting protein intake is also helpful for controlling blood urea nitrogen and remitting itching skin.
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Thanks for the posts about urea nitrogen, everybody. I'm just learning about all of this, but it matches what I've heard so far. The most comforting thing of all, though, is what's central to this site to begin with: knowing we're not alone whenever a chronic illness challenges us.

These posts really help me with that. What also helped today was that I went out to dinner, and a former student of mine was in the restaurant. She has kidney disease and is farther along than me, having gone through dialysis and a transplant this past year. She confirmed that she, too, has had my symptoms, and spoke about the causes you've mentioned here. I'm sorry she's been through this, but I've gotta tell ya it's really good to get the validation I got from her and from you.

Gracias, amigos. This helps tide me over until I get to the dermatologist my kidney doc's referring me to.