Well, I discovered that no, I have not been imagining things, or have false memories. Just When it can get worse, it does. This does not surprise me in the least. This cross I've had to bear, these shackles around my feet, these heavy loads on my back just won't go away. Or at least they won't STAY away. 15 years is a long time to carry this heavy burden, that I have done my best to purge, just will not leave me alone. I might get away with a few months of not having it, but the animal always comes back up for air. how can people be so sick and twisted to think that doing these things to me, or anyone Is OK? How could another human being perpetrate the horrible, sick actions onto another human being, just to have their fun, and not care about what it will do to me? I guess my ex-hub said it best right before I left him "How can you have a degree on humans, WHEN YOUR NOT EVEN HUMAN. That's pretty telling. I'm just a slab of meat waiting to be pounded, cut, debased for you and your friends enjoyment, and still keep the wool over my eyes, and the drugs racing thru my system, I just can't stand that it's happening yet again, by others, bc new travels fast on the internet. Just goes to show you how sick and twisted this world really is, or can be. Paying for a drugged out slab of meat. Sick. And the craziest part, It's All The Good Looking Guys Who Want It!! I think I'm gonna vomit. Sorry if too crude.