As a Mom, my emotions are constantly all over the chart. 

Tantrum to sweetness in a matter of seconds.

So proud and pulling my hair out in the same moment. 

Terrified.

Joyful. 

And that’s just my kids.

Work mode can be stressful. Working with people is hard. Especially adults. Adults are sometimes giant toddlers. Injustices really get to me. People telling me I’m not a good enough mom gets to me. I do not like defending myself. I could work more but we’d all be exhausted and I wouldn’t have the energy to teach them about Jesus and how to keep themselves safe. If I only ever do two things for them, those are my two goals. There is nothing more important than understanding boundaries/personal safety and knowing Jesus. I also want to be present enough to notice when my never seems ill daughter is presenting symptoms. She has some chronic rhinitis so a cough and runny nose is no concern. All of the sudden she’ll go limp and have a 104 fever. No joke, she will run and laugh and play and eat until her temp spikes. And with her chronic stuff and large tonsils she gets sick twice as much as other kids. I want to stay ahead of that and prevent high fevers. I took her into the doc to be checked out the morning before we went to the ER to find out she had pneumonia. She was still in decent play mode and her fever hadn’t gotten above 102. 

Becuase of that, money is tight. That’s stressful.

Family is stressful. My mom asked how my day was and I decided not to tell her my friend died very publicly yesterday. Even if it’s between me and her my pain is always about her. I can never just be sad. She’s doing really well physically. That’s awesome. 

I started my day with a friend, having coffee and being real. She asked things people don’t ask - like why don’t I sleep and is that normal? How am I - and she really wanted an answer and didn’t freak when I told her I’ve really not been okay. She’s not a new friend but approached me a few weeks ago saying she’d like more purposeful time with me and that she wants to pour into me the way someone has poured into her. So far there’s no attempt to fix. She just spends time with me and prays for me. And I needed my day to start like that because thirty minutes later I found out about my friend. Then I worked. Then I did math and figured out I meeed $200 more by the 22nd and SHOCKED AS EVER kids dad deposits $$$ - how much? $200 Then my child says “Daddy hates mommy” We have a great checkup her pnemonia and fluid in ears are all gone. Kids were so fun and sweet and had a late snack so we blew bubbles and played outside before dinner but they still didn’t want to eat. Little one had a mild tantrum that cost her her after bath “snack” and everyone went to bed easily.

Is that not a wild dsy?

add in talking to phone reps from two different companies, working three hours, asking the pediatrician if I can do anything to help the reality and confusion that’s led to “Daddy hates mommy”  and more....WILD

Its no wonder I’m anxious right? This is a typical day in the life of me. If someone doesn’t die there’s a massive health issue or a total disregard for boundaries etc.

last week my soon to be ex traded in my car even though he’s not on the title and literally I have the physical title in my possession.....

this world is so special. No wonder I’m anxious