Hi Cecil, what a horrible thing to live through again. Am sorry this happened to you. I think the best you can do is tell your therapist exactly what happened and work through it with his help. This is exactly what he is there for.
It must be frightning to tell him, since you can't really see him for who he is now, with the image of your abuser overlaying him. But he should know how to help you separate them again.

Best of luck, hang in there.

cecil I am sorry for the pain of the flashback. Your therapist is there for that reason, so tell them about both the flashback and nightmare.
I recently posted of how my therapist loudness effected me, also encouraged by DS to let her know. So I emailed my journal page about it to her.This helped immensely in moving forward at the time.

You may have only attached the fear of telling your therapist to the flashback, that's the reason for the dream combining the two.

I wish only the best for you, if you can journal a letter then email for next session this may help release some pressure

I'm sorry for the pain and turmoil you' re going through. Vomiting because your flashbacks are so intense is something I've experienced, too.

That said, having flashbacks occur in therapy is not uncommon. In the early phase they happened to me, and later on as we got to deeper phases, too. Reexperiencing trauma like that can tempt many of us to quit, feeling therapy is doing more harm than good.

But I chose to look at it like surgery, which after all, involves stabbing a patient to get at the tumor inside. There has to be as high a level of trust in the therapist, though, as there would be in allowing a surgeon to use her or his knife. And just like post-op follow through, there has to be that, too.

Eventually, my therapist and I were so solidly on the same side that when a topic we discussed brought flashbacks on, we were eager to work on that topic knowing we were near another breakthrough. Of course, enormous care was taken for those flashbacks at those times, too.

But we knew we were following the mind/body signals flashbacks were sending out, and following them to the source. I never would have learned what I did about how I got PTSD in the first place if not for that process.

Jen,

I am ready to want to trust. It is VERY hard. To my knowledge I have never experienced a flashback (stereotypical, visual flashback). until now with this therapist. I like him. Sometimes I hate him. Sometimes I think I could love him. The flashback turned me into a terrified 7 year old girl. I am not ready to let her out yet.

I see your point about being ready to trust but from my perspective I need help to get to that point. I have spent years thinking I have a handle on it but the truth is I spent years avoiding this crap storm I am feeling right now.

I guess I know I should tell him. One of my greatest fears in therapy (besides my 7 year old being exposed) is wasting someones time. I know I take a long time to get to the trusting point. I think maybe I have never made it because this is when I usually stop.

I am very thankful to have the support of all here on DS. I did call him and ask if he had any available time this week. I have an appointment but it's not until the 23rd and if I wait that long to talk to him I will shove it all down and pretend it didn't happen.

Keep me in your thoughts that i can summon the courage to tell him I hate him. love him, and he makes me feel like a squirrel.....or at least talking about stuff makes me feel like the squirrel.

Journal while it is fresh, even seeing it in print helps the sorting. Tere was something in the discussion that held a trigger, you just didn't recognize it. That's the sorting I'm talking about.
Then you will also have it wrote down and not forgotten, or buried.

I felt more comfortable with a female therapist!
In my experience with a male he didn't seem as compassion and understanding of my trauma!

You're not wasting anyone's time, Cecil. Not here and not in therapy. It does take time.

Thank you all for your support. I called my therapist and scheduled an extra session on Wednesday morning to tell him about the nightmares and flashbacks.

It has been years since I have had to deal with nightly nightmares. I am even waking myself up talking in my sleep....another thing that hasn't happened in years. My therapist has been in every one of them....and he has been a jerk in all of them.

I know it isn't really about him but it is hard for me to tell him that I think he hates me or that I think I hate him.

And those flashbacks....holy crap. They are not new memories. I have always remembered it but there was never emotion attached to the memory. It made me feel like I was a child again...scared, confused. wanting to cry like a baby. I didn't know where to turn or how to even begin processing the feelings. All those emotions hit me in a millisecond.

Hoping your session helped. Hugs.

Thanks Jewells1,
It did help. I was able to tell him about the flashbacks, the dreams and everything. He was very supportive and understanding. He did ask if he could talk to my inner 7 year old girl and I said I wasn't quite ready. He accepted that and said he wanted to make sure that I felt safe. We decided that for now i would work on being more patient with myself and getting more sleep. I can handle things a lot better if I'm not exhausted.

I am glad I got past this bump. My m.o. is to stop therapy when it gets hard.