stabilizing hugs friend xxx

You can get into it as much as you want. But it's general courtesy to post "trigger warning" if it's detailed.

Can I join you in screaming?

Exactly what they said and triple hugs

Trigger warning - my father let other men rape me, when I was 15, and instead of dissociating, I was screaming the whole time. I just had had a flashback of the whole thing and now I understand why I was triggered by the 80's songs, when I was dancing earlier. The men couldn't stand how loudly I was screaming, so they turned on a radio to try to outdrown my screams. It was playing 80's and early 90's music. Now I understand. And I'm afraid to try to go to sleep because that's when I keep having more flashbacks. Grr!!!

I'm beyond sorry.

I no sooner resolve one flashback then I get another. My mother sold me for drugs to my biological father. He had 16 friends. They would torture and rape and sodomize me amongst other things. The"other" things were violent and gross. My therapist tells me the flashbacks are with me for life the abuse was so severe. I just have to learn how to deal with them. Not let them dominate me. I was not at fault. I got some down pat. They don't bother me. Still working on others. It's a process. You are not alone. Supportive hugs.

Active, looks like you found the answer. Agree with Strength. It is about learning to deal with them. Keep adding to your toolbox. I, and many here, can relate to the FBs while sleeping. I always say, the bedclothes tell the tale. Usually will come full awake (adrenalin?), but rarely a memory of the actual FB. We do get better at getting back to calm. Comforting hugs.

I’m so sorry what you been through,
I get really bad flashbacks & nights are hard for me too.
I hope things get a little better
Sending lots of support & hug <3

Yesterday down here in Mexico on vacation I nonetheless met a young woman who, in short order, for some reason disclosed to me that she'd been raped by her father when she was 6 years old. I told her about us here at DS PTSD who are survivors of rape, myself included (at age 10) and that she's not alone.

I'm so sorry that happened to you, active, and to any of us. When we begin being triggered back to those traumas, it really helps that we're not going back there alone any more . We're with you.

And then yesterday, I saw someone from my past who is another abuser. He called me by my old name. ( last year I got my name legally changed) I tried to evade him but he just would not let it go. He kept insisting that he knew me and I finally asked him what his name was and I knew immediately that he was a former abuser. He also was a drama coach who was asked to leave our school because of a sex scandal. I ended up having a flashback later on that evening. Nonetheless I was a mess last night and was not doing very well and had to take some anti-anxiety medicine in order to become calmer. And yet...
By later on in the evening when I was talking to one of my best friend's, the peace of God had already calmed my heart and I was in a wonderful mood again and today has been absolutely amazing. Even though yesterday really Shook Me Up, I am not allowing it to completely derail me. Yesterday, after seeing him, I desperately needed to eat chocolate which is not on my meal plan the way I ate it. I have an eating disorder so I'm supposed to follow certain meal plans. I definitely overate and it wasn't even time to eat right then. But I was able to tell myself this is what I need at the moment and I really don't care. But today I got back on track and I'm doing so great. I am so thankful to God for helping me as he always has and always does. Thanks for everyone's support. I really am sick of flashbacks though.

I've considered changing my name to put trauma from the past behind me, activebrain. After all, I've got a super Anglo Saxon name for Spanish speakers to pronounce.

Growing up in South America I wondered why I was named after my grandfather, whom I'd never met. I thought he must be some great guy.

Turns out when I met him as an adult, he wasn't. He was a major womanizer. He was so busy on that front that he even gave his wife, my grandmother, an STD. Not a role model, and not anyone a sexual assault survivor like myself wanted to be named after.

Names are powerful. I get how having that abuser call out yours got to you. I'm glad you didn't beat yourself up about eating in response, because we can't let the perfect become the enemy of the good, ya know? You did good. And I like your attitude about God, too, your gratitude. Somebody here suggested I keep a gratitude journal every day so I have been doing that, and it helps.

I am sick of flashbacks with you, though. "C'mon, seriously?" goes through my head when I get them lately. I'm not even about them any more, it's more like I'm bored with how guaranteed they are.

Let us know how it goes from here for you, ok?