5+ years since i buried my son and took on the job of raising his 3 children, my new life still feels surreal. my 70 year old rags still feel out of place among the age appropriate parents i have to mix with for the sake of my 3 orphans. i still miss my rivers with the longing of a stranger in a strange land. my current reality still feels like nothing more than that confusing time between naps. still, the current reality has stabilized into some sweet dreams. still allot of rough moments, but there is peace in the neighborhood. it feels like time to relax and trust the new realities. TRUST! ! ! aw, c'mon! ! ! give me an easy job, would ya! ! ! i wish ya wouldn't make me work so hard! ! ! just wishing. . . works in progress.

today's read from the daily meditation reader, "courage to change" is resonating loud enough to feel worthy of reinforcing with a sharing. 

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confusion can be a gift from god. looking back on instances when i felt desperately in need of an immediate solution, i can see that often, i wasn't ready to act. when i became fully ready, the information i needed was there for the taking.

when i know too much about my options before the time is right to exercise those options, i tend to use the information only to drive myself crazier. that's why today, when i am feeling confused, i try to consider it grace. it may not be time to act.

i think that dealing with confusion can be like cooking. if the bread isn't done, i don't take it out of the oven and insist it is time to eat. i let it finish baking. if a clear solution to a problem hasn't shown itself yet, i can trust that it will appear when the time is right.

today's reminder

i will thank my higer power for whatever i experience today, even if i feel troubled or confused. i know that every experience can offer me a gift. all i have to do is be willing to look at my situation in the light of gratitude.

"everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and i learn, whatever state i may be in, therein to be content." ~helen keller

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for what it's worth

helen keller lived a spectacular life, despite being blind, deaf and dumb. her teacher, anne sullivan, is one of my heroes. her contribution to schools for the blind and deaf are epic to this day. personally, i hail her for her triumph over her dismal childhood. ptsd wasn't a thing in the 1800's, but she was a shoe-in for the dx. i salute you, my leige.

another fwiw

a grace i believe i have found in confusion is that it's a perfect excuse for a nap.