Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
i'm still rapid cycling like a beaten crazy bitch wolf over the anticipation of being within eyeshot of my estranged son (43) this coming friday. the good news is that i seem to be holding steady in the here and now. animals and children all cared for, etc. prayers ongoing. stepping small and praying big. this coming weekend i hope i can keep the shots visual. i'm not sure i can handle yet another round of his toxic mom awards. ears open, mouth shut, woman. maintain masked social distances at all cost. i'm packing up a solid therapy bag of tools to help me pull off THAT miracle. i am grateful the still young children will be there to distract from the estranged middle aged child.
today's read from "courage to change" is resonating loudly enough to rate the reinforcement of sharing. here goes:
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i recently had an argument with someonei care about. he made, all too publicly, a few remarks to me about my weight, and i was less than pleased. later, when i told him that my feelings were hurt, he insisted he had done nothing wrong --that what he had said was true, so i shouldn't take offense.
how often have i justified my own unkindness or my interfering where i had no business, with that very argument? too many times, especially during my alcoholic loved one's drinking days. after all, i claimed, i was right: alcohol was ruining our lives and it was my duty to say so --again and again and again.
i am learning to let go of my certainty about what other people should do. in group therapy i heard someone put it this way: "i can be right or i can be happy." i don't have to make anyone over in my image. with help, i can learn to live and let live.
today's reminder
i am not an insensitive person, but at times i have justified insensitive behavior by claiming to be right. i can respect another person's right to make their own decisions, even when i strongly disagree. my relationships will improve when i love myself enough to let other people be themselves.
"lord, when we are wrong, make us be willing to change. when we are right, make us easy to live with." ~peter marshall
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there is a HUGE part of me that wants to estrange es as solidly as i estranged my parents. he's still working hubs for money, so his estrangement has not been too socially distant from this mentally ill toxic mom. my anxiety is certain he will rub salt into every one of those wounds with the enthusiasm of a facebook basher. round and round and round the intrusive thoughts go. . .
just breathe. . .
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
That truly IS good news, as the week I got diagnosed with PTSD my doc had me join a weekly meditation group and our instruction manual, so to speak, bore the title “Be Here Now.”
I’m struggling with that because I have to fly to Guatemala and back to Mexico this coming weekend so as to renew my 6 month visa. I used to just take the bus as it was cheaper and a friend could come along. Drug cartel gunmen stopped our bus on the highway last time, so now I have to take a plane.
That increases the cost to the point that I have to go it alone. 3 times this past year Chronic Kidney disease nerve damage to my legs caused me to be unable to walk, winding up in a wheelchair. It happened the 3rd time this past June. I really hope and pray that I can stand on my own 2 feet this upcoming trip. The airline provides wheelchair in the airport, but outside of it and in my hotel not having one would be a problem.
I’ll know when I’m there then. For the week upcoming, it’s time to BE HERE NOW. Thanks for reminding me and showing me how it’s done.
Muji
when going through hell, the quickest way out is straight on through. keep stepping, soldier. here and now. here and now. itsy bitsy baby steps.
attempted humor alert
itsy bitsy geezer rolls?
I remember I had a patient once that was primarily my patient in the home and she didn't get along with anyone... She had a pretty severe personality disorder
One day I just asked her 'what can I do to help you' and it changed everything between us..... We were great after that
Sending you a big hug and prayers of support.... xo
SC, I had a similar experience in my hospital work when I was assigned for a year to an Alzheimer's unit. As you well know from your own experience, Alzheimer's not only causes forgetfulness, the side of old age dementia the public is most aware of. but irritability, too.
A different side of my missionary kid background than combat experience helped me connect with folks on that floor like you did with this woman with borderline personality disorder. It wasn't my offer of help, though my help they had. It was that as I went from one wheelchair to the next, I would squat down next to the patient, lean close to their ear, and gently sing softly an old time church hymn just to them.
Over time, I figured out which hymn was which patient's favorite, and found they looked forward to my visit to hear me sing it to them and only them. My fondest memory of the greatest hymn hits list and how each applied patient by patient was my memory of our patient with the worst case of Alzheimer's. She was so advanced that usually she sat in her wheelchair slumped to one side, staring off into space and totally disconnected from her surroundings.
I happened to hit on her favorite hymn though. It was the hymn "In The Garden," a Southern favorite once recorded by Elvis Presley, no less. When I sang THAT one to her softly she suddenly came to life. The doctors and nurses said they'd never seen her come around like that. It only lasted for as long as the song, but I'll never forget her eyes in focus, a smile on her face, and her grasping my hand.
Then it was over as soon as the song was. But for those few minutes, it was a miracle. Connection is everything, it really is. For the rest of that year I myself looked forward to seeing her on my weekly rounds to sing to her.