the recent bout of psychic flu which has has had me ricocheting through the decades of psychotic misadventures seems to be abating. seems. . . again i wash a wish for clear markations of "the end." just wishing while i do the best i can with what i have to work with. the kids leave for their spring break visit with their maternal family later today. hubs and i are gearing ourselves to use the kid-free week to deal with the myriad of tedious bureaucratic details and projects needed to keep this little ship of fools afloat.

the panic attacks of hypervigilance continue fissuring my focus as i wait anxiously for the proverbial other shoe to drop. is that light at the end of the tunnel yet another fast moving train? have i made yet another bone-headed decision which is gonna bite me in the ass somewhere down the road?

breathing. . .

this morning's read from "courage to change" is resonating as a good meditation to carry through this day. i'll worry about tomorrow when it gets here. worrying about tomorrow never changes the future. it only drains today of it's strength.

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"i've chosen my epitaph," says a therapy friend, "i want it to read, 'he's finally minding his own business." 

we laugh, enjoying some relief in contemplating the lighter side of a serious subject, those defects of character that seem so hard to shake. laughter makes our frailties seem easier to bear, and we can forgive ourselves for our imperfections. what a change from the days when we hid in shame from our flaws or used them to beat ourselves over the head!

my friend and i resolve that in the future we will try less, accept more and let go of our impatience, self-criticism, and self-hatred. we take a deep breath and say, "help me, higher power. help me to remember that the purpose of making mistakes is to prepare myself to make more; help me remember that when i'm no longer making mistakes i'll be out of this world."

today's reminder

in a way, i will always be a beginner. there will always be some new challenge to face because life is ever-changing, and so am i. because of this constant change, every little action i take involves some risk of making a mistake. it takes courage to participate in life. today i can applaud myself for trying. i'm doing a terrific job.

"my higher power is the confidence within me that makes me unafraid, even unafraid to make mistakes." ~as we understood

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just sharing. . . discussion welcome.