is this insomnia or just a restless night. given that i am not the only mouse stirring in the house, methinks it is just a restless night. spring fever is busting out all over and our days have been filled with lots of tasty adventures. the base of operations has been stable enough to handle the daily launching of those daring adventures.

and still the hypervigilance nibbles, urging me to watch carefully for the proverbial other shoe to drop. . . i have a colorful herstory of self-sabotage, etc., attached to hypervigilant watches. plying therapy tools. . . just believe. . . just trust. . . JUST? ? ? there is nothing simple in those justies! ! !

today's read from "hope for today" is resonating. just sharing. . .

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i work as a seamstress. during a recent sewing project, i thought about how similar my sewing is to my progress in recovery. before recovery, my sewing had to be perfect. many a time i ended up not wearing my creation because i was sick and tired of going over it again and again. i'd leave it hanging in the closet and eventually give it away. if i ever did wear anything i made, i was quick to point out its imperfections when anyone gave me a compliment.

since using the tools of recovery, my sewing is much simpler. using the thread of willingness and asking my higher power to guide my hands, i now enjoy experimenting with fabrics, techniques and even reworking my stitches. i go about this knowing that my garment will not be perfect and the imperfections make it uniquely mine. i enjoy wearing it knowing that i learned much in its creation.

my material garment and my recovery garment are so very much alike. no longer do i expect to be perfect, and i don't hide away in isolation for fear of having my imperfections disccovered. neither do i so easily give away the precious, vulnerable parts of myself. i wait until i deem the other person trustworthy enough to receive me with love. i don't pre-criticize myself, thinking it won't hurt so much if i beat somebody to it. today i wear myself and my hand sewn apparel proudly, knowing that each was created with the willingness, the abilities and the help with which my higher power blesses me daily. 

thought for today

my imperfections reflect my humanness and oneness with others.

in partnership with my higher power . . . i can always be me.

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i have never earned money for sewing, but i am an accomplished hobbyist and actually have garments in my closet which i made years ago without ever having worn them. in recent years, i haven't had enough social life to be able to give them away, but i prolly woulda if i coulda. think i'll go dig up one of those garments and try it on for size. i doubt i'll have the time to rework any literal stitches any time soon, but who knows what the morrow will bring?