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i just signed a contract to sell the touristy slice of urban paradise i have dubbed, "the toxic mom throne" at a considerable loss over what the house would sell for in prime condition. on the profit side of the sale, it would be well worth the effort to make the needed repairs myself and sell at market value. yes, i am fully qualified to do so. pn the psych side of the sale, methinks, "the toxic mom throne" covers the challenges. my life in that urban paradise was fraught with all the stresses and trauma of winning the toxic mom honors. the "toxic people" fad has been over for long enough to offer some clues on how long the house has set under the pall of my disregard. there is nothing there worth having in my heart. the dollar loss on the real estate market feels like the smaller price to pay, especially since the adult child (43) who awarded me those toxic mom honors has caught wind of the sale and re-entered the fray with his entitlement claims.
today's read from "hope for today" is resonating loudly with me. just sharing. . .
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growing up in an alcoholic family, i did not escape without experiencing various forms of abuse, including sexual abuse. by the time i came into psychotherapy, i felt like a victim and i had become an extremely angry, resentful person.
whenever the subject of forgiveness came up in therapy or in literature, i shut it out. i thought resentment would prevent me from ever being hurt again. it took some time in therapy and a lot of work learning to love myself, before i began to understand that living my life under the heavy burdens of rage and resentment was hurting me. it affected every relationship i had, including work contacts, friends, family and social acquaintances. i knew it was likely to color future connections as well, yet many of the people i resented weren't even alive. i surely wasn't hurting them! however, in my vehement determination to no longer be a victim, i held the hostility that perpetuated my pain.
once i realized this, i experienced a spiritual awakening in the form of a deep desire to let go of those feelings that were poisoning my life. i accomplished this with extra therapy work, praying, sharing and working with the people in my peer support network. thanks to therapy, i gave up my bitterness and regained my life.
thought for the day
today i see forgiveness as an action i take to love myself more fully.
no one ever found serenity through hatred. ~anon
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i still can't love that high dollar loss on the sale, but i am grateful to close the book on "the toxic mom throne." i am fully qualified to do the work, but there's no shortage of work to do here on the farm with the three children who are still young and cute.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I'm with you, there has been enough pain surrounding the "toxic mom throne" and it is best to let it go. For no other reason than your own sanity.
i, too, have found a long journey before realizing the need for forgiveness and learning how to forgive. the learning remains a works in progress. practice, practice, practice.
https://yummly.com/recipe/Nopal-Soup-497580
the tunas are sweeter than the leaves and is better for iced tuna tea, juice and such.
I've had a little therapy but never any that truly did any good.. .. There was a lot that I didn't acknowledge for a long time
I grew up in an alcoholic household as well where there was a lot of rage
I have never learned to like myself and it's done a lot of harm
Forgiveness is something that I am working on regularly and I need to work on forgiving myself.... I find that the hardest of all... xo
for what it's worth
alanon has been my most consistent therapy source. the various pros i've worked with have been helpful in a socially distant sort of way but my peers are the ones who help me translate all those theories into real world actions.
Thank you for posting this. This forgiveness stuff is so hard for me for forgiveness of both myself and others. It’s like I don’t know the recipe or something … if that makes any sense…. but a lot that you wrote here in the post I can relate with
Sending hope & many prayers
Big hug <3
missy,
the hunt for a recipe makes perfect sense to me and remains high on my wish list, but i take it as personal progress that i have quit holding my breath while i search for that recipe. i'm beginning to wonder if simple, easy to follow recipes for forgiveness are even available. at present, i mostly follow my pain and bitterness to the source and pray. allot.
"channeling" is a bit of reframing which helps me navigate my conditioned reflex of drowning out my pain. when i channel effectively, i am able to release enough of the pain and anger that i don't need to drown myself. enough of my proverbial cesspool remains that i don't bother investing in designer heels, butttttaaaaa.
for what it's worth
aggressive highway driving isn't much of an channel when i try it and i think it makes me a danger to other drivers. i've wondered about into the local demolition derby network. just wondered. for now, parking the motor vehicle and dancing to loud and rowdy music works better for me. i don't feel particular safe dancing and driving.