This covidic era is still scaring the unholies out of me. I'm still not properly germaphobic, but the politics remain bewildering and illogical to me. Without the three young orphans in need of healing and socialization, I would probably be even more socially distanced and isolated than the age peer friends whom I haven't heard from since mid 2020 when I started reacting badly to reading about their tele-doc and zoom adventures. Sorry, friends, but I need a cup of libation and indecently exposed smiles to listen to those dramas.
The orphans seem to be responding well to the new and long over-due social opportunities. This past 5 day weekend was filled with childish joy, complete with up close and personal child's play and sporting events. Hubs and I are exhausted, but the children fell asleep contented and flashing indecently exposed smiles. It feels likely that they will awake refreshed and ready for unmasked academia when I wake them 45 minutes from now.
I am increasingly able to look past the remaining maskites and set aside my worries of yet another global shutdown, but I'm only setting them aside. They remain a bubbling anxiety cauldron. I still can't look at a mask, much less see "eye smiles" or scowls, but my paranoia imagines there are far more "eye scowls" than smiles floating over those masks. Just psychotically imagining. . . All this covidic exposure therapy has yet to make a dent in my mask phobia.
Today's meditation read from "Hope for Today" resonates loudly in my efforts to protect the children from my strictly personal covidic paranoia by encapsulating and leaving the covidic anxieties withithin my therapy support network so that I can focus on the currently available unmasked Kid World.
When I think of boundaries, it helps if I think of a castle in a lake. Boundaries are the drawbridge connecting the castle with the world. Usually the drawbridge is down and people can walk freely back and forth. However, when danger is sensed, the drawbridge rises to protect the castle. To protect myself from the dangers of my dysfunctional family, I shut down and kept my drawbridge closed to guard my feelings and thoughts. Eventually, my castle grew musty and foul inside. When I reached psychotherapy, I couldn't distinguish between real and imagined threats. By listening to therapy peers share, I learned how to recognize danger signals in the behavior of others and how to respond appropriately.
On occasion, the danger signals are not clear. Sometimes what I perceive as a threat is something I've conjured up in my own mind. If I immediately shut down my feelings in reaction, I usually end u hurting myself or someone else. In the end I mght lose an opportunity to grow or a chance to love and be loved.
With the help of my higher power and the Serenity Prayer, I've learned to distinguish between real and imagined threats. I've learned to respect others' boundaries. I'm also able to discern when it's wiser to remain open to someone I love and trust even when I want to close up out of fear. I remind myself that I can't experience love, joy, and trust, and completely abandon myself to my higher power if I can't risk feeling the other extremes of sadness, hurt and fear.
Thought for the Day
Knowing when to open and when to close my boundaries is a learning experience.
"Boundaries are flexible, changeable, removable, so it's up to me to know how open or closed I'll be at any given time." ~Courage to Change
Just giving myself the reinforcement of sharing.
For what it's worth, the children don't seem to have been too affected by my mask phobia. They seem to treat strangers in the stores, etc., the same, masked or unmasked. I have yet to be able to join in the mask muffled banter, but I am increasingly able to enjoy their pleasure in the masked encounters.
HiI jsut wanted to say HAPPY SUNDAY and I hope everyone is doing well. Thinking about you. Whatever is going on. Wherever you are.Happy or sad Please remember thatYou aren't aloneWe are here Fighting back!!!Living!!!Propeling onward with youYes, you!!!
So just because the day keeps getting worse, I just found a red nodule cyst like thing on my 4 year old dogs paw. My dogs are obviously my saving grace.So now I have to just not breathe until I can get him to the vet.Make it stop, what have I done, really. It is one thing after another