Be very careful with that stuff, i knew a doc that may have used it.He did believe in it and although he had a lot of accloades he turned out to be a total quack, crazy nut.Even with his degrees.

Also whatever is in ecstasy is very bad for your spinal cord.read on it VERY BAD.
This do told he would use ecstasy from time to time, it did not cure him apperently.He's a nut case.

IMHO the risks by far outweigh the benefits.

Just out of curiosity, what else have you tried that has failed you?

Five years of psychotherapy

Meditation

Self medicating (years of that) alcohol and weed

Prescribed medications. Antidepressants, Stimulants, Anxiety meds. Once it was suggested I try lithium - I adamantly refused that one.

Read numerous books on sexual abuse, surviving sexual abuse, PTSD, multiple personalities, Bipolar disorder, ADHD, How to survive trauma, motivational books and CDs the list goes on

Long Hot Showers

Running away

Giving up

I am looking for something - anything to get focused and back on track.

Looking at Hyberbaric chamber therapy

and

Just read about the MDMA the stories of people who only had a couple of sessions and were able to get their life back together.

The articles talk about the low risks. I would imagine compared to years of antidepressants or other drugs a couple of supervised sessions with a therapist couldn't be too bad.

Honestly, if you've only tried psychotherapy, you've barely scratched the surface of treatments out there which help PTSD. Psychotherapy is a huge FAIL for many people. And to be honest with you, when I've hear from those who have recovered, it was because they went outside the mainstream and invested in alternative therapies. You may want to try something else before resorting to such drastic measures.

Prescribed drugs saved my life.

I think you definitely have to do a risk/benefit analysis but also acknowledge the desperation. What do you have to lose?

What about EMDR?

Have you tried EMDR? Your case sounds similar to mine. Have you tried clonazepam or a prescription sleep aid from your doc? I have been on several since the early 80s and I swear they saved my life! The nightmares were 4, 5, 7 a night! Terrible and kept me up for about 20 or 30 minutes each time with my heart pounding and fear oozing out of my pores. Some stayed with me all day, and altered my mood more than usual.

I was on lithium for about a year and a half, felt like a moron, couldn't read, think or do anything! I hope any of this helps.

Yes, I know of MAPS, and keep asking my doc about the different three substances being explored. I was very surprised when my therapist told me of this work. I also found an article on the MAPS sitedescribing that the substance in Ecstasy could bring a permanent spritual change to a person. I have searched for a belief all my life but not been able to grasp much, a general spirituality , yes. I don't likeorganized religion, I think it gets between the higher power(s) and the individual, and counts on interpretations of God that each groupl makes. I esp. dislike religions elitist attitude, "Come with us or go to hell, only the few will survive", and such. Unfortunately I cannot help you with your interest in Ecstasy, and have never taken it, being bi-polar, although I didn't know that in my 20s, I was afraid as I knew I hallucinated so very easily, and had many fears. Later I learned I had severe and ongoing PTSD and was mildly , mediumly? bi-polar 2. So it might have been very hard on me to try these things. Marijuana, weak when I used it in the late 60s and early 70s made
me have big time hallucinations, and they were lovely for the most part with one very nasty one. I hope MAPS does something soon! I'm with you, there are three substances that could be help many of us without the nasty ramifications of the many meds I have tried, or even tylenol!

I just read this article in her magazine. I am surprised to have someone talk about it. It was something to read about the similarities I hve with this person writing the article.

Just to clarify.

I mean underground doctor because the drug is illegal in the U.S. I was thinking of a quality doctor that had a connection to get pharmacy grade MDMA to use in a session.

Definitely not any street drug with this weird stuff.

I too was surprised how well I connected with the article's author. Freaky how I could almost have written it. That is what prompted my post.

Thank you all for the comments. The information is great. I keep learning and seeking answers. I know the right combination of something will put me back on track.

Please, Please be careful . After being a FORMER mdma user my ptsd became worse...Med grade or not the stuff Effs you up.
I am a former emt and have seen all the good and bad this drug can cause.
I would be a hypocrite if I told you to never ever do it, but I ABSOLUTELY urge you to be careful and do research til your brain bleeds(actually mdma will do that for you).
I hope this doesn't come off as rude in any way, as that's not how I meant it. If you ever have any questions feel free to write me.