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manic fissuring

arfie
arfie

one of the many names i have for the loss of focus and intrusive thoughts which are often my first signal that i am sliding into a psychotic episode is, "MANIC FISSURING." my visualizations of "fissuring" are from geology. "a long, narrow opening or line of breakage made by cracking or splitting, especially in rock or earth." with the psych phenom i am attempting to describe, i feel as though my thoughts and/or senses are fissuring similar to how water from a garden hose may fissure through a dry lawn.


by whatever name, i've been experiencing this phenom intensely in the last week or so. i believe it is directly connected to the last day of school for the two elder foster kids. half a day tomorrow and that is the official end of kindergarten and third grade for this dynamic duo. what do you mean i don't get to sing "revelle" thursday morning? it's the only family tradition we have managed to establish in our short and stormy time together. this will be our 2nd summer vacation together. we don't count summer of 2020 as a vacation. why has been on all the global newsfeeds.


as i have plied therapy tools to the manic fissures, my "quiet voice" is whispering that fissuring is both natural and okay with any transition. the old needs to fissure away into the new.


reality checks requested. am i making any sense?

Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
I know from my own brain's PTSD geology what you mean by this fissuring, arfie, and I'm glad you're paying attention to it. You're making sense--by that I mean your work at making this make sense is justified. Yes, this fissuring is natural--what else can our brains do?--and the transition is okay. During the transition it's unsettling, of course, because unsettling itself is what's happening. We're with you as the old yields to the new, though, you're not alone. Support sent!
arfie
arfie
thank you, muji. a dominant feature of ALL of my psychotic breaks has been delusional epitomes which don't make a lick of sense to anyone but myself. but, equally, my condition seldom makes sense, not even to myself, so healing calls for leaps of faith i have yet to find words for.

reality checks from my therapy supporters help me find the living balance.

support both needed and appreciated.
lilmissy7
lilmissy7
Big hugs Arfie <3
Aqui contigo
arfie
arfie
besos y abrazos, querida.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Sending support for today in this process, too, arfie, we're with you in the unsettling of it all. You can count on us.
arfie
arfie
thank you, muji. support both needed and appreciated.

the last day of school is upon us. the mysteries of summer vacation are not feeling too ominous, but i believe we will sincerely miss the school train rituals.

the garden hose visualization is serving well for helping me to stay calm enough to work with the fissuring instead of giving in to the panic attacks and/or fighting the inevitable changes at hand.

que sera sera. what will be will be.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZbKHDPPrrc
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug sweetie.... Do you need to see your pdoc if you're concerned about psychosis Arf?

I'm glad that you're finding some calm.... Another hug .... Will the other GP's be having the children for part of the summer to give you a little break?.... xo
arfie
arfie
i'm still not quite sure which specialty "pdoc" is, but i'm sure i don't have one at this time. i was new to this area when corona crowned and had yet to establish local connections and have yet to discover the new questions and protocols attached to finding such support for the hearing impaired. are we post-covid yet? for sure i don't feel confident approaching the new weirds of the new normal.

the mother's family remains an unreliable mystery. there has been talk of a summer visit, well sprinkled with their still growing list of handicaps, but nothing we can plan on.

the good news is that we have managed to network with a few of the families from school and little league for some promises of summer kid fun. we won't be covidically isolated this summer.
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