Hi. Part of my PTSD comes from having been in a highly abusive drug and alcohol rehab at 27. Groups there were all about yelling and screaming at each other what a fuck up each other were. it was just crazy, and at one stage I was also ostracised from the whole house.
Anyway, after doing that for 5 months, I had a mental breakdown - it was on top of earlier times of trauma and abuse. And, I couldn't cope for the longest time, with anything that reminded me of rehab.
Well, last night I was at work at the hospital. I was looking after a young woman who got abusive. She stood up out of her wheelchair, turned around, was yelling and threatening violence. she did this a few times - all because the nurses were saying she couldn't smoke.
Well, sure I was nervous, and my hands trembled a bit. But I looked this woman in the eye and didn't react.
She calmed down as soon as she was allowed downstairs to smoke.
The Registered Nurses offerred me no support afterwards - not even a hand on the shoulder and 'you OK?'
but I eventually calmed down, and was able to keep looking after my patient.
I just thought 'wow! i didn't freak out!!!!' It's really amazing to me. It's been 26 years since rehab, but with PTSD, that doesn't always mean a lot.
I just thought the people here would understand what a milestone this is.
Not that i ever want to look after that patient again!