So there is all these hidden parts of me. Safely put away in different hiding spots.I went to this "church" on a quiet day-not a sunday. Got on my knees and talked. I kept trying to reach deep inside to the hidden part that always cries. I wanted "God" to hear my pain. To let it out. I was scared. So scared of the memories that fuel the crying deep deep inside. But I wanted to connect to something outside of myself. Someone, something. anything.

I felt it welling up from a point size singularity hidden inside of a vault. Tidal gravitational forces pulling and tearing on my soul.

....it started as single tear drop.

I had this silly idea of trying to control the size of the wave. To ride my inner surfboard. I didn't want anyone to hear me. There were a few people upstairs in the classrooms part of the "church". Staff types.

It was the mother of all waves. I was enveloped in long stored up crying energy suddenly released thru a very tiny hole.

I never thought it possible that it would ever happen. I cried so hard. My whole being was overwhelmed by so much.The pain that cried out in my voice. So many different emotions and memories and thoughts slamming me literally to the ground.

A part of me got really scared. Tried to stop it. Not even close.

I was letting "God" have it but good.

Guess I got too loud. My crying reached the staff types upstairs.

Some jerk came into the sanctuary and gave me light hug; then told me that I needed to stop. Guess my noise was bothering them. Interfering with their class.

Talk about soul bleeding. The force of stopping so much momentum tore something up inside.

I feel angry.

Weird intro huh?