Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
One of the difficult things about having PTSD as an anxiety disorder is never feeling at rest, at peace, "at home" in the world.
Once in a while I dream that feeling. I did so last night. In my case, if you've read past postings of mine, that feeling locates, for lots of reasons, in Uruguay, where I grew up.
But it's not just about any particular place. It's about finally having the fulfillment of that longing to belong, to be at home in the world. Like a lot of us, in my abusive family growing up, which continued to be abusive well into my adulthood, I was never allowed to feel at home. I was the white sheep of the family, but treated like the black sheep, of course.
Just the ability to dream that I found my place to feel at home gives me great comfort, whether or not that dream comes completely true in my waking life.
One reason I love DS PTSD is that at this site some of that longing to belong is fulfilled. I feel like somehow I'm at home among people who accept me for who I am.
Anybody else have this thing about wanting to feel at home in the world?
Once in a while I dream that feeling. I did so last night. In my case, if you've read past postings of mine, that feeling locates, for lots of reasons, in Uruguay, where I grew up.
But it's not just about any particular place. It's about finally having the fulfillment of that longing to belong, to be at home in the world. Like a lot of us, in my abusive family growing up, which continued to be abusive well into my adulthood, I was never allowed to feel at home. I was the white sheep of the family, but treated like the black sheep, of course.
Just the ability to dream that I found my place to feel at home gives me great comfort, whether or not that dream comes completely true in my waking life.
One reason I love DS PTSD is that at this site some of that longing to belong is fulfilled. I feel like somehow I'm at home among people who accept me for who I am.
Anybody else have this thing about wanting to feel at home in the world?
In time, with the compassion of my psychologist, I started reclaiming senses of comfort. I'm not sure if this is exactly what you're talking about - you mentioned 'belonging'. To be blunt, for a very long time the only place I felt I belonged on the planet was a brothel. So I acted that out for years. Luckily, things have evolved. With my psychologist - and with memories I was able to access - and with the healing of time - I have now a lot of sense of comfort. I don't know how much I feel I belong - but I don't feel I don't. Certainly, there's no sense of belonging with my family who shun me since I had a mental breakdown.
I guess I feel belonging in AA, and I just feel like I'm an ordinary person - I belong at work too. And I belong where I live in cheap housing.
It sounds like you don't have much in terms of memory to draw on, to get a sense of comfort or belonging. I just hope you find something, and get relief. you are, after all, a person among persons. one of many, no more no less.
One is here.
Another is with my hubby cuddling me.
That's about it.
DS is a den of safety for me.
I'll inevitably return to it.
Therefore, no worries.
You've said it so well....."Longing to belong". As the only child adopted in my family (brother was natural born), I was constantly told literally, "You are not part of this family, you don't belong". And the whole white sheep black sheep...also well said. I tried to be perfect in every way. I was an "A" student, worked almost 40 hours/week in high school, kept my grades, did all the housework, but still felt it was never good enough.
I still carry that underlying sense of wanting to belong. I understand why people become mega millionaires or perfectionists now because of that drive/motivation to be accepted.
Funny, in my journal, I just wrote a little about this, in wondering if I should go to my 30 year reunion (oh dear, I'm revealing my age! LOL). It would probably be torture, both physically and emotionally, HA! But, I think part of the motivation is to gain that acceptance after all these years and the sense of having my place in the world especially after losing two families---my husbands and then my own.
SO, yea, I totally get it. I think when you (I) grow up in an abusive household, how can you (I) not help but want to "belong" and find a place in the world?
Yes Muji, this place makes me feel like im excepted for who i am.
And Milla, that "Janet from another planet" line has had me chuckling for days. Thank God for you just being your own real self here. You've done a lot of us a lot of good.
honestly it is getting hard to feel much of a connection with the world anymore. i think about all my friends here a lot. unfortunately recent events have pushed us too much. the prolonged isolation combined with basically a bunch of stuff happening sent us into shock. it will surprise me if Lilu can push the button to post this -Kali
Today I spoke about PTSD at a church again. I took along a student of mine at the community college where I teach. After the talk, some members of the audience kind of grilled me a little. One of the questioners after the talk wanted to know how come I didn't get along better with my family of origin, it being a church and Father's Day and all. But I was able to handle it OK somehow. I realize some people's idea of forgiving your past is a Hollywood ending and not the reality many of us know about here.
Best part was that my student joined a support group there at that church. So some good was done.
Then I came home and was exhausted, exhausted from all of that outreach out there. I crashed on my couch for 2 hours. That's about all the outside world stuff I could handle for now. Had to come back here online and check in to DS PTSD and this world where I feel I belong to get restored. Thank goodness for that you all, believe me.