again, i leave the mood icon on the rapid cycling median. my moods are swinging like a penduluum do. "okay" is the rapid cycling median.

my light phobia is rearing her ugly head again. the bright lights of the neighboring farm compounds are bringing back those horrors of gang rape under farm lights and amateur child pornography sets. sigh. . . this week i'm wishing for that frontal lobotomy to get all that out of my head, once and for all. an ice pick in my ear might do the trick. as always, the wish for forgettance is wreaking havoc on my short term memory. memory of where i put my keys, etc., are far quicker to leave than the memories i am wishing to wash away.

as has been my coping mechanism from the childhood days where i learned how to hide in the shadows, i look to the shadows to distract me from the cruelty of those bright lights. this year, as the days get shorter and nights longer, i find myself wondering if my light phobia is shifting its focus to those shadows. are the light loving poets and religiosos right about evil lurking in the shadows. i've experienced far more evil under bright lights than in the shadows. from the shadows, i can see those over-lit evil doers from a safe social distance with absolute assurance that they can't see beyond their flashlights.

am i making sense? thoughts?