Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

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happynaz 07/26/2015

For the last few days I have been really depressed. What's got me depressed is the fact that I feel like I'm a bad person or a criminal. I cant recall certain events of friday and it's making me nervous. All I remember is my mom telling me I was depressed and having severe anxiety. I have harm ocd and I have ptsd as well. You hear all the time about people that committ murder because of ptsd and that's what's is worrying me. I am a good person and right now I feel like my life is over because I cant recall anything about friday. I wish there was a way to know if i was safe or not.

I live with two other people and my mom said she checks on me in the morning and she said I was asleep but Ihave doubts was i really asleep or not. I feel like this is going to beat me, all the time I worry about either being in the hospital or prison for the rest of my life and that terrifies me. I see my therapist on tuesday but I am afraid she is going to lock me up if i tell her my concerns. I miss the old me, the me that was productive, and not having people mad at me or disappointed. I was starting to feel better and now I have regressed. I just wish i knew what took place thursday evening until friday morning. can anyone help me, is my life really over?

freedom14G 07/26/2015

i have no idea what to say thank God for someone who cares,, i will pray for the best i am sure you are not a bad person illness is not your fault,, i would communicate with your therapist and mother and those who care,, if we could end the stigma and fear there would be so much more that could be done to help those who suffer in silence,, HOPING for a good outcome reach out and dont hold back with therapist for your safety and others

salparadise 07/26/2015

i think if you're having gaps in time and black-outs, and you're not using alcohol or street drugs, you need to get in to see your GP right away to get some neurological testing done.

please make the appointment.

freedom14G 07/26/2015

being an ex teacher and seeing what bad parenting does first hand i believe with all my heart,, that unresolved hate and resentment and other negative emotions cause the evil of murders etc mental illness might complicate but i know alot of loving folks in recovery who take meds AND work on the hurts and pain of childhood etc, alot of people who have mental illness are inherently good , there is an evil component in my opinion of violence i am no expert just my opinion,, you sound like a hurting human who needs help no monster

salparadise 07/26/2015

and to add, i think if you would have done anything illegal in that time you would have been busted by now. especially anything that would cause years in prison.

and the therapist can't help. you need a neurologist.

bluedragon41 07/26/2015

I really doubt you did anything.

I have intrusive thoughts of harming people, myself. I am in my early 40's, have yet to seriously harm anyone, even on accident ( thank goodness!)
Most people with harm OCD are like me and you. We react with loathing to the stuff our brain sends us.
...so let the thought go...admittedly easier said than done. But youare NOT going to act on the harm thoughts.

...happy, SSRI meds may help anxiety-based disorders. Dunno if you've tried them?

Do you have any electronic device that can video-record you while you are asleep?
If you did hurt someone? . Chances are you'd feel like a mule kicked you and you'd have dirt, Bruises, blood on you, skinned knuckles, broken bones possibly, all manner of evidence.

...I'm wondering if you are a threat to YOURSELF right now? You don't seem like you're really thinking right.
As in...not thinking realistically.
Do not kill yourself, alright?

bluedragon41 07/26/2015

I was actually thinking you might need to go to a psych hospital for a bit.

LeoX3 07/26/2015

Life is not over, but it is scary, so gentle hugs, and maybe think about telling the therapist the truth. A *lot* can turn our brains into swiss cheese--- stress, to quote my GP, turns our memory into Teflon, everything slides off and nothing sticks. Depression, insomnia, heck, just being tired and needing a meal can mess you up....

I've never had a me that didn't have that cloud of "you're worthless and disappointing" over me, so maybe focus on the feeling of being that way---that core strength that is You, and not just the hurly-burly-whirling confusion around You?

I have no idea how to express it, so....

Supportive vibes,
Leo

happynaz 07/26/2015

Right now it's hard for me to enjoy anything. All I want to do is sleep my days away since I cant remember anything from friday this makes me really nervous. I think that' i'm such a horrible person but my mom always asks me, have i ever done anything bad in my life and no i havent. I just wish there was a way I knew I was safe thursday night. I hate not being able to remember friday . I probably sound ridicilous but i am a good person. What should I tell my therapist tuesday when i see her.

spacepony 07/26/2015

Happy, does your therapist know you have harm OCD? I suggest you tell her. Maybe tell her what you told us. Are you able to print a copy? Showing her this exchange is one approach.

May I ask if you have tried an ssri?

mujicaptsd 07/26/2015

Sal recommended a neurologist, and to me it sounds like a good idea. Brain issues and mind issues overlap, but they're two different things. I see a neurologist every 3 months or so for my neuropathy due to kidney disease. It's not scary and nobody locks me up. What you describe in terms of gaps sounds like something my neurologist would be able to help you with. I encourage you to contact one.

salparadise 07/26/2015

if the therapist is any good, the first thing they'll do is recommend a neurologist. nice to see at least one person bothers to listen.

jewells1 07/26/2015

listening here. But there seems to be a missing element....who told you you were bad ? Happy those feelings are usually set in motion by someone or something. If you can't figure that out, then a combo like muji suggests may help.

CrazyCanuk 07/26/2015

Happy. It sounds like disassociation and it is common with ptsd. Are you seeing a therapist? Are you on medication? There are meds that may help with that disassociation.

In my experience ptsd ws too big to handle on my own. I spent sometime in the hospital which was very helpful in getting me the help I needed.

Disassociation is scary but it is important know that a lot of us have disassociate and have never none anything harmful to others. You are a good person and please do not think you are not. You have no reason to think you hurt anyone.

I hope you will go see your doctor and discuss this as soon as possible.

Take care

RichieD 07/26/2015

I can't say for sure what's going on, based on what you posted. But I do know from my own experience that anxiety can give you all sorts of doom-oriented fantasies. I often dream that I've buried something in the ground and I'm afraid someday it will be found.

I think it's all part of anxiety and so it will eventually pass. Just try not to do anything like harming yourself or telling people you've done something bad based on these feelings.

Just stay calm and wait this out. I've found that seems to work for me.

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