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the psychosis which was triggered on december 6th seems to have passed. seems. . . at least, that's my prayer and i'm sticking to it. again i indulge a wish for clear markers to say, "i'm over ^it^," but even with physical illness, recovery is a mysterious process. i feel like healing has happened, but confidence and trust remain a bit shakey.
the chain of events over the 3 month psychosis have brought about quite a few changes. none so cataclysmic as the changes which brought my little ship of fools together in 2019, but substantial, nonetheless. i don't believe the details are important to this discussion, so i will skip them for now. they are available in previous posts and journal entries, if you care to do the research.
for this discussion, i am reaching for ways to relax and let the changes happen in their own time, space and direction. my control freakitis is growling at the thought of giving up that much control. where are the clear definitions of those changes? what are the plans of action? start and end dates? have all of the above passed comittee approval yet? should i just let the mystery be?
breathing. . .
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
She's gone through some rough things and told me that it saved her... She actually teaches it for free now
Sending a big hug of peace and support... xo
for what it's worth
i still haven't fully registered that "gp" now significates "general practitioner." i still use it to mean, "general principle." it's been long enough since i used doctors that the change snuck up on me.
PS - some planning is actually good and may help the control element
mel
when i slide into psychotic episode, being mindful of my focusing handicap is often the best i can do. i can't do no more than my honest best with what i have to work with. it feels good to have regained enough grounding that i can focus again. saying prayers for the offending parties --both past and present-- helps me allot, also. healing hopes for all. no exceptions.
with 3 kids onboard my little ship of fools, ages 10 and under. some planning is mandatory the "mandatory" of that fact often feeds my control demon to a fat and gnasty critter. let go and let god time. some days i feel like it's an act of god that we actually make it to the bus on time.