Hi FIC,
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I'm Sox.
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I'm sorry about whatever life experiences you had that resulted in your DX. I received my DX 14 years ago.
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Guess what happens when you reply to a post and forget to log in?
Nothin! LOL. I posted a reply and forgot to log in (I was post trigger so am not surprised). So, I try once again.
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"What is this horrid thing?" This "thing" is a response to overwhelming life experience/s, and I very much agree that PTSD is a "normal" (and "healthy") response to "abnormal" life experience/s.
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"How do I get it to go away?"
I am a believer in the body/mind's intrinsic ability to protect and to heal itself and that how we recover or heal ("get it to go away") is within each of us. Because we are all unique, our answers are also subjective and unique.
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I can relate to many of the symptoms you described (except I don't have "mood swings" per se (I react to specific triggering). The "melt down" you describe sounds similar to what I like to describe as a "spiral." Of course, we don't want to turn off our brains or our emotions, so the answer must be to find adaptive tools to cope so that we are able to function. Because each of us are unique, my suggestion to you is to (1) Know what your triggers are, (2) Develop a "tool kit" (an assortment of 'tried and true' coping tools) from which you can build upon and refine. Listen to your system to tell you what works and what doesn't work.
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I tried (or considered) many strategies including CBT (helped somewhat), venting (use caution)), tapping (not for me), hypnosis (not for me), holistic remedies (yeah!), exercise, diet/nutrition, grounding, talk tools (yeah!), and (most recently) meditation. So far, meditation (big yeah!) is proving to be the most effective and the most promising (but I need a teacher to help me). I am also hoping to add more structured exercise as well as Yoga into my repertoire.
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PS, I like your sweet avatar.

DEAR SOX - Hi back to you! Thanks for posting. I suppose that I was probably always PTSD but who knew it back at 1978? Also, I think what caused this to explode and make me in "movie/flash back zone" is a recent horrendous tragedy that made me realize the huge loss of 1978. So, again, I am floating, as it were, between being the "adult" who has it all together and suddenly "flash back" to the 15 yr old who is dealing with the tragedy. So, tears and meltdown are random and tiresome. Hubby doesn't get it and I've tried to explain it as I just did in this post.

I've not dealt with this long enough, I suppose, to really know what helps cope. Oddly, going to the grave yard. Yeah, figure that one. So, I am "trying" to follow where my hearts leads to peace places trying to "heal". I'm told that's the "proper process" to go with the flow, cry if I feel like, etc. So, I made a rubbing of my dad's & sis's headstones which I brought home. Yes, that gives me a sense of peace, sort of like a blankie for a kid, I guess.

Is this ever going to go away? I'm told that basically, I'm grieving the loss all over again and this will continue to occur when triggered. BUT FOR GOODNESS SAKE, ONE CAN'T STAY IN PERPETUAL MOURNING!!!

Glad you like my Avatar & THANKS for your time & response.

FIC You are describing me a few months ago. I was in a very abusive relationship and was just diagnosed with PTSD. I was fine, at least I thought I was until everything that I buried in my brain thru the years of abuse, started slowly boiling to the surface.
I agree with Sox. You have to find the thing for you. Mine is journaling. Every morning I journal. Even if I had an uneventful nights sleep, I journal. That is helping me.

You're welcome FIC.

I have had PTSD since 1973! I was called "walking wounded."
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My current philosophy toward healing is training me to be very non-judgmental and gentle to myself. When I read this reply, I feel like you are being so hard on you, so encourage you--as I would myself--to be gentle on yourself. If you need to cry, embrace the tears, and lovingly dry them. Don't fight it, but try to see these moments as opportunities to help yourself to heal. Be kind to you!
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It makes perfect sense that some event triggers the PTSD to escalate. I started having serious panic attacks in 1991 (I believe). I had forcible entry into my home (triggered two rapes in my history), then moved into a place where I was being flooded with reminders. I'm talking SEVERE panic attacks and flashbacks.
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As for coping tools, your counselor--if he/she--is not already preparing you with some, would be a good resource. Reaching out like you are doing will also supply you with lots of ideas.
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I know what you mean about re-mapping. I did the same thing (going to the places where the rapes occurred), and did so without any support. Yikes! Don't need to do that again. I believe, however, that re-mapping is a way that our systems naturally attempt to reconcile with our experiences.
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It will get better. You will be okay. Just be kind to you right now. Okay!
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Hugs!

FIC,
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You deep-sixed the abusive relationship, I presume?

I meant "Ray."
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Silly me! LOL

DEAR RAYNE13 - Thank you so much for your time, thoughts & input. Right now, I am just trying to "follow my heart" and if people think I'm weird, I really don't care. I just have to do what makes me feel safe and that my dad & sis are with me. SO, the very poster that set me off at the store, I've asked if I may have after the sale. NO I WILL NOT BE LOOKING AT IT, but put it away safely as I have the headstone rubbings. Sort of my way of making sure they are still with me, not forgotten, close at hand, etc.

Right after dad was killed, I slept in his shirt that he'd died in for some time. I realized that wasn't "healthy" so I stopped but kept the shirt for a long long time until it fell apart.

As for my sis, great balls of fire, not only did she die abruptly with no warning, she died on dad's birthday. So, you can only imagine the additional trauma that caused.

I think the med is helping but still not sure...too soon to tell. Still dealing with chest pain and urges to be ill. Trying to carry on my "normal" life teaching my Sunday School class at church, taking my Ministerial Counseling course, my Mentorship Program course, and my Discipleship Program course. Can you tell I do a lot of Bible study? LOL It keeps me sane....

DEAR SOX - Be kind to myself....what a concept! I never thought of it that way. I suppose if you read my post response to RAY13 you will get the jist of my life, so this thing (PTSD) is a major disruption in my schedule and plans. I am such a Type A personality always listing and scheduling everything and guess what? PTSD does NOT schedule itself for the best time. LOL I know, what a shock.

As for right now, I'm not seeing a counselor but was just dxd after seeing my regular dr who called in the counselor on staff. So, that's how I learned about this THING.

I'm a fighter by nature, stubborn, and bull dog Irish thru & thru so I've always had the attitude, "Oh, well, we'll just see! I'll work harder & prove you wrong!" Again, surprise! That doesn't work with PTSD.

So, as I told RAY13, I'll do my "weird" little rituals and if it gets me thru, that's all that counts. People don't get it, it'll be their issue & not mine. I got to do what makes my soul feel comfort, my heart feel soothed, and my mind made peaceful. If that means hanging out at the grave yard every so often, so be it. If that means making a billion rubbings of dad's & sis's headstones, so be it. I do so hope to be able to obtain the poster from the store that so reminds me of dad. Not to stare at as I think that may send me over the edge....but as with the rubbings, to roll up, tuck away, and make me feel safe.....

Thanks for all your great input & advice & time. I greatly appreciate knowing I'm not insane or acting weird for this situation.

You do not turn your thoughts off or I have not found anyone capable of accomplishing this feat.

Have you heard of acceptance and mindfulness. When we are triggered we disassociate and hypervigilance takes over. Our amygdala stores our trauma and we can not access it consciously. So you need to access it unconsciously or in a therapeutic setting with a pro.

The thoughts and triggers are yours for life. Fighting or avoiding them makes them grow.

Try accpetance as a therapy. I have much more if you are interested

PLEASE DO EXPLAIN THE "acceptance" concept. I've never heard of it and at this point am considering seriously going off my meds.

Not sure they are helping anyway and the side effects are no sleep & nausea. Additionally, I still find my mind at times doing the ticker tape thing and me trying to shut it down to sleep. So why take the meds?

Additionally, it's making my Dystonia worse as well as the headaches. I'm a firm believer in positive thoughts/words and mind/body/attitude connection so that basically got me thru a lot of my panic attacks as I couldn't tolerate the meds for that either.

So, fire away....."ACCEPTANCE THERAPY" is welcomed.

http://www.amazon.com/Acceptance-Commitment-Therapy-Anxiety-Disorders/dp/1572244275/ref=pd_sim_b_11

Acceptance therapy is a way to handle thoughts. Many of us have tried to influence our many intrusive thoughts with not much luck. This is the opposite of this approach. It states that the thoughts are ours and will be part of us. So the way to improve is to practice the art of acceptance. That is when a thought comes up you accept it and do not touch it.

By that I mean you do not engage in thought just observe it.

The best way to learn this is with mindful meditation. If you go beneath the thoughts and observe them it will help. You just observe the thought. You follow any corresponding sensation in the body. It may feel warm sweaty or electric or tense. Some see a color, contrast, shape, weight to triggers. If you can just observe them without thought they will start to heal.

Another book that actually shows scientifically that mindful meditation works for depression, PTSDF, anxiety and many other disorders.

It enhances any other therapy you are doing. You can practice it for free everyday and should if you want to beat this disorder.

http://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Brain-Reflection-Attunement-Cultivation/dp/039370470X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1272403674&sr=1-1

This is the exact path I came to before this book was written. It uses functional fmri's to prove that it actually changes the physical nature of the brain. The mind is plastic and can heal and adapt.

Good Luck. There are a few here that will confirm this approach is healing them.

Thank you for the explanation....sounds a bit tricky....sort of like stepping outside oneself and becoming an observer. Am I on track?

Another great book is by Dr. Carolin Leaf entitled "Who Switched Off My Brain?" which proves that positive thinking can actually cause the brain to form NEW neurotransmitters and therefore health thoughts leading to a healthy body. It was very good to read. I passed it on to my DO who treats me and we both recognize the mind/body connection.

It is stepping beneath the conscious part of the brain. It is aplace of no thought, words or dialogue. That stillness helps heal the body and trauma. It is also living in the present.

I agree that having positive thoughts is great and helpful. It takes more for most of us to heal.

look at it this way. Ptsd is full time and is at it all day. If we go to a therapist once a week, it is hard to outwiehg all the thoughts and triggers. That is why having a daily routine is very helpful.

During our supposedly bad days that offer the best chance for improvement. Without a daily plan we avoid and tense up on bad days and hold on.

The other part is that while observing you gain some space between thoughts and you. This is called discerment and has to happen for us to mover on.

This is a sublime practice that is simple but hard. It has great power and aligns us with our true nature.

All the healing you will need is right inside you right now. We could be healed at anytime we choose. Strange concept but i have the same triggers as before.

The difference is the triggers have lost their emotion and power. If you stay in the moment many things are possible.

Hmmm, well, spoke to my counselor recently regarding my NEED to know about my dad's & sis's death. She said that is "normal" in that it is my mind realizing the loss and trying to cope and make sense. I received the official report and went into panic mode whether to read it or not. I read it then lost total control. We were lied to and told so little and the more I research, the more I am learning that a major cover up went on, at least that's what it currently appears. We were pretty sure of that at the time anyway, now I am getting proof.

Hubby keeps telling me I'm digging under rocks that need left alone but it is a NEED/COMPULSION to know. I mean, dear God, I don't want my guts and heart ripped out, but I need to know the truth....

The triggers are inescapable but the more truth I get, the more I seem to not have as severe a reaction. I'm just trying to listen to my NEEDS/COMPULSIONS/HEART and do what gives me comfort.

The counselor said that this is the "normal" grieving process and that since I am just now finding out the truth, my reaction is "normal" and I am not being morbid.

Thanks for your input....I'm trying...it's just a really odd place to be, isn't it???