So, mentally, I've been better since the incident. My boyfriend and I hardly have any "set backs" when it comes down to intimacy. I still find it triggering to be hit certain ways, especially in the face. I'm the type to play fight, I always have been. Well, last week, My boyfriend (we'll call him Dylan for privacy sake) and were just wrestling around, playing like i usually do and I noticed I started to actually get upset. He wasn't hitting me hard, just playful slaps and holding my wrists down, but for some reason, that red-sight started creeping on. (when i get angry, im hard to control. I start to see red and it takes a lot to actually stop me) Now, I'm a small girl, im not super strong. But i fight dirty when im angry to a certain point. (ex: eye gouging, scratching, biting, low blows) Im even known to find a blunt object near by and let go of self control. 

I was worried because it should never get to that point with Dylan, he was just playing around. He lightly grazed my face and it got even worse, He started to notice i was actually being serious and kept asking if i was okay. He managed to calm me down a little bit, but i needed a moment to just breathe. He kept asking what was going on and telling me he was getting worried. When i get in my moods, Dylan gets a little scared because he doesnt know what I'll do, and i tell him all the time I'd never do anything crazy to him. i love him too much to hurt him. (he didnt have the best childhood, so he always assumes the worst) 

Shortly after taking a few breaths, i couldnt help but lose where i was mentally. It was like i was slowly fading back into my moms house, the room started to spin and change, Dylans face started looking fuzzy and distant. At that point, i was totally panicking. I was fading in and out of reality it seemed. Sometimes when id open my eyes, i was in Dylans room, other times, i was in my old room. He was trying to get me to talk, but i couldnt even make a noise. I felt like my throat was closing. When i finally caught my breath, Dylan couldnt even touch me, i flinched everytime he raised a hand to touch my face, or move my hair from my eyes. i started crying again and now i could kind of speak but it was broken and stuttery. I could tell he was freaking out and all he could do was suggest i lie down and try to sleep.. so, he helped me get to the bed, and after that.. blackness.

I woke up about an hour later in bed, and Dylan had asked if he needed to call 911. I dont know what happened to me, but It's scaring me. I dont want it to get worse.

Ive been told its PTSD related or IED related but im not sure.