Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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Is this abuse..?

zozofox
zozofox
Ok let me start with saying that I know I'm not innocent in this either.

I hurt myself three days ago, and when I told my husband he became very upset. I know I hurt him so I was giving him a little bit of space. Then yesterday he would say a few words here and there, but wouldn't look at me. I have apologized several times and tried to hug him and love on him. Today, he won't talk to me at all, he won't touch me, and he will not look at me. Again, I know I hurt him, but I'm going through a really hard time with hallucinating and trying to get my medications adjusted so that I don't have to be hospitalized. And yet, I feel like I'm being punished... Every day it just get worse and I don't know what to do..

He's always saying that I don't show him respect and that I make him feel worthless, but I don't know what I'm doing. He won't give me any examples of things that I've done. I cook and clean and dress nice to impress him. I go out of my way to do things to make him happy (which is what marriage is about). But he doesn't return the love...

Today I asked him if he was still mad at me. He wouldn't look at me and he said "a bit". That's all he's said to me today... And to top it all off, I'm having suicidal thoughts.. I just wish I were dead..
atec
atec
I was in a very similar situation nothing I did seemed to lessen the anger my wife was feeling towards me. So she started to drink heavily, which was a relapse into alcoholism for her. We were in this cycle of anger and feeling worthless. Then a simple thing happened. She was also diagnosed with PTSD. Don't know why I never realized it until it was diagnosed but I didn't. We were actually triggering each other with our behaviors. We both were instantly more understanding of the other persons feelings. I'm not saying your husband has PTSD but he might not understand how you feel do to a misunderstanding in your communication. I know it might be hard to do but perhaps you can include him in some therapy?
LeoX3
LeoX3
Atec beat me to the joint therapy issue. I've done three rounds of marital-specific therapy (short-term each time) in 23-plus years, and for my PTSD therapy, my (mostly well-adjusted) hubby sits in on one session of two a week. Then we're there to get through it as a couple, smooth out his or my reactions and so forth, and wow, does it help!

Maybe your guy is trying to hold back anger or fear. My hubster goes into silent mode when he's doing that, and I hate it, but there's nothing to do but let him work it out to the point where he feels okay sharing with me, and I can't force it.

Maybe for a few days, try written communication?

Wish I had more, but I do think therapy for one or both is a good idea. If he won't say what you do that upsets him, you can't address it, and for me, that's incredibly frustrating. We can't fix the problem if we don't identify it, after all.

Luck and blessings.
aliceunchained87
aliceunchained87
I agree with Atec and Leo; if you can consider joint therapy for a while? A therapist may be able to help you both openly communicate between each other and may be able to give a voice to the things your partner is trying (and failing) to say. I imagine they are probably scared at the moment; when my husband is concerned for me he tends to push me away a little. Part of it is because he is worried he will make whatever emotions I am feeling worse, and part of it is because he is standing on the outside watching me go through everything I am and he feels helpless. He disengages to help preserve his own sanity. When I need him I let him know and he's always great about being there, but sometimes even then he has a hard time verbalizing his concerns. Just as something to consider. I'll be sending positive thoughts and prayers your way as you two sort through this!