I think maybe it would be healthy to piece it all together SLOWLY. Traumatic memories are rough to revisit, I know this from experience. Even though I don't know your full story, HUGS to you!!!!! Also, are you seeing a therapist?

I think that is freaking disgusting, and you are probably not remembering what you can not handle....But be gentle with yerself.

Hey sarahaakac,
At this moment I am only going to a psychiatrist because there rates were working for me. I have been trying really hard to find a therapist that will work with me on costs but so far its pretty expensive. I do know I need more help and want to get it. Would you be willing to share a little of ur story with me?

hey toot99,
You are right, in a way I dont want to remember things. I am just now being open with this and just wanting to heal.

If your mind is now starting to remember is probably that you are ready to deal with it, go slow.

Like a valued memeber here said, "humans and a self-healing machine"

I am under the firm belief that our mind only allows us to see what we can handle...

Don't force the memories as you may force uncontrollable flashbacks.

Your mind will open up as you are ready.

There is a reason that memories are repressed. The mind can't handle dealing with such traumatic incidences that we forget about them for the time being.

Maybe you will get your memories back, and maybe you won't. Either way, I don't think that knowing 100% of what happened is necessary for healing.

I remember 99% of my sexual abuse, but I'm actually losing memories of my physical/emotional abuse. I think its enough to know the extent to which it happened and the effects that it had on me. I am not bothered by the fact that I am losing memories.

Hugs,
Sunny

Hi sister,

I'm so sorry that you had to go through all of that. Yes, it's certainly possible to hide memories from yourself. It's also possible to recover them, but not necessarily required in order to heal.

Your mind may be saying, "Let's heal from what we already know before we add to it, okay?"

I have pieces of things that I *think* I remember, but am not sure if they're even memories, or just imagination. Sometimes it's just a snapshot image with no information; sometimes a feeling or a phrase in my head. I know how frustrating it can be to try to yank the rest of that memory out because you want to control it, but it slips away.

I've been working on healing what I do know about for three years now, and have made a lot of progress. Someone recently said to me that traumatic memories can be like petals on a rose... as you peel away one petal, there's another inside to look at, and another. If we dig straight into the middle, we're going to do more harm than good. We have to take it a petal at a time.

Given your avatar image, I think that analogy is pretty fitting! :-)

Be gentle on yourself, and trust yourself to show you each bit as you're ready for it. Meanwhile, we'll be here, walking this same path alongside you.

Hugs,
Wistala

You probably don't remember it cause you would not be able to handle it. Take it slow

I want to thank all of you for your responses :) seriously you all made me feel better and I wont be racking my brain for things. I will just relax with it and work on healing from things that I have experienced and have memories of instead of focusing on that although, I don"t want a memory just to all of a sudden appear and kill me inside.

As far as the memories go, BABY STEPS! Don't try to remember every little detail at once, let yourself remember what you can, I agree with Sunny, DON'T FORCE IT if it overwhelms you!