After completing my grad school education and two clinical internships to reach my goal of becoming a hospital chaplain in 2001, Marah, I had to undergo 3 full days of psychological testing to qualify for my final step toward my goal, a year long hospital residency.

After spending 8 hours a day for 3 days with psychologists testing me, I passed. However, they added that my "ego was well-defended," which was good, "but perhaps too well-defended."

I was delighted to pass for my professional life, but I took that "too well-defended" info to heart for my personal life and went to work on it with weekly therapy with a counselor. We figured out that it wasn't a character defect on my part; it just made sense given my having grown up in a war zone as a missionary kid overseas. It did explain why I was twice divorced even though I had no incident of being abusive either physical or verbally in marriage, nor any incident of infidelity. I simply hadn't let either of my spouses in, so the marriages never flourished.

I decided to be a confirmed bachelor after that as my way of accepting the news about myself. It doesn't mean I'll never date again, but I accepted that romantic relationships weren't my forte for a reason. I learned I am a good friend, and that was my strength against loneliness.

Accepting facts about myself helped me respect my strengths and be kind to myself about my weaknesses, because there were reasons for both. That's just me and how I approach things now. That can change as more information comes in, too.

I'm not the one to talk, because I love my walls. I decorate my walls. Oddly enough, or maybe not, my ex husband has walls that make mine look barely like speed bumps.