Just yesterday I was telling a friend of mine that I didn't know if I could keep teaching the next 2 years to retirement as a professor at a college where my having come out about service here at DS PTSD has been punished ever since I went up for and got tenure in 2016.  My bosses had to grant me tenure then, but they put in my file that the revelation that I was a member here at DS PTSD gave them "grave concern."  They have kept the pressure of their "grave concern" for my PTSD on me ever since in what seemed like their hope to drive me out of the college since they couldn't deny me tenure. 

They did that with our only African American faculty member, too, in her case out of their Appalachian racial prejudice rather than the PTSD stigma they have toward me.  They drove her to quit the semester after they had to grant her tenure, so now our college's faculty is 100% white.  I've gone to an attorney, then, so please don't suggest I sue.  On the advice of legal counsel I've hung in there for 2 years with 2 more to go until retirement.  I did invoke my rights under the ADA to get an accommodation, not to teach less than anyone else, but to teach the equal number of courses called for in my contract like everybody else.  My boss was always demanding I teach as many as 3 extra courses at a time.  Just last month I came in 2nd for a job elsewhere, too, and have applied to 64 jobs elsewhere this year, so believe me, I've tried to get out.

Students like the other one I mentioned this week give me lots of good verbal feedback, but the neglect and criticism from my bosses have been relentless ever since, no matter how hard I worked and how it was recognized by other colleges, too. Though 80% of my teaching evaluations are really positive, my bosses arranged to have a meeting where they did nothing but read comments from the other 20% to me, demanding that I explain why those students didn't like me as much.  The fact that I collaborated in publishing a chapter in a book last summer was brushed aside by my bosses, too, who refused even to acknowledge it. 

My boss has refused to allow me to go up for promotion, while the professor in the office next door to mine was just promoted over me with half of the experience.  Me?  I was interrogated before the college vice president for every silly complaint that could be trumped up against me, such as when a student said I took drugs in class when I used an over the counter nasal spray for my Spring hay fever. 

Today it made my day, then, when a very quiet, timid student shocked me by handing me a nice note in which she had put her good feedback in writing.  Her note went outside of the evaluation system my bosses have managed to neutralize with their bureaucracy.  It was an undeniable "to sir with love" moment, so I made a photocopy of it and handed it to my boss, who could only acknowledge that it was actually complimentary.  Forgive me if I come off as a braggart, but I want to share it here because it came just in time to save my sanity with my bosses.  She wrote:

"First of all I wanted to say thank you. ...I learned a lot about, not only this class, but myself.... This class has made me laugh, cry, and think a lot about myself and my actions. There were times I sat in my car and cried because of things that were said in class that reflected on my life. I've learned that it's good to cry.... ...Thank you for being the most real teacher at our college. I've never met someone so open and honest with students the way you are. I'll never forget the lessons you have taught me.... ...You really are the best teacher I've ever had. Thank you.  You're the best!"

I'm so grateful, not only that she said so, but that she did it such that it could not be dismissed or diminished as part of the bureaucratic evaluation process my bosses have used against me.  She was spontaneous and real, and she put it in written form.  It felt really good to pass along a photocopy of what she wrote to my boss after classes today for her to add to my file, I must say.  Whatever else my boss may have put in there, this has to go in there, too.

I went into teaching in the first place because I had one of those teachers myself in high school.  It looked like I was going to retire in 2 years feeling like I'd never know for sure if I had measured up to him, but now I can be put out to pasture in a couple of years knowing I was indeed that teacher to at least one student and that it was witnessed by at least one of these bosses who tried so hard to say I was never good enough. 

Again, I apologize if this seems arrogant or narcissistic, but I was near despair about it yesterday talking to my friend.  This note from this student today was heaven sent. 

I hope it's ok for me to share it with you so I can thank you for your support in helping me handle the stress I've been under in my workplace since coming out of the closet about my PTSD.  This student's nice note is for y'all, too.