Hey, all, thanks for the support. I woke up this morning to a phone call from a senior wise colleague who said that my plan to "come out" completely about PTSD to my tenure committee after yesterday's meeting was a good plan. That was the way to show I've got great teaching evaluations overall. That the few negative comments are consistent evidence that teaching death and dying triggers me about my own near death experiences growing up as a missionary kid in Uruguay.

That doesn't mean I can't teach it, because for most students the way I do it is more inspiring. The thing is that even though I teach it with DS PTSD support, I am doing so without PTSD meds because of my kidney disease since 2011. My last two most recent kidney specialist appointments at a larger university research hospital contradicted my local kidney doc's diagnosis. He said I was late stage 3 chronic kidney disease, they say I'm only stage 2. He said I couldn't take any PTSD meds, but I think they'd say there are PTSD meds I can take, just it's necessary to be selective.

So my PTSD plan is that I've contacted my research university kidney doc for a referral to a psychiatrist at his own research university to get me on PTSD meds again. Then, my senior wise colleague on the phone suggested that if my tenure committee keeps me on, next year I plan to have a colleague mentor who is a faculty member sit in on my classes. The purpose of that would be to help watch for those blind spots where I would get snappy and bring them in to focus for myself so I can learn from him or her to manage those PTSD triggered moments in class myself.

I called my Chair after talking to him, and she agreed it's a good plan. Both she and my senior wise colleague think it's totally appropriate to present this to my tenure committee as a plan that's positive and responsive to their concerns in my 2nd interview with them yesterday. I'm just waiting for a call back from my college Vice President to run it by him before I send out my plan to the whole tenure committee via email. Both my senior wise colleague and my Chair (who is also a member of that tenure committee herself) think the VP will like the plan, too, and that my calling him is just to give him a heads up and get his support before I email my plan out.

So I that whiff of PTSD panic last night, but I'm at peace about it all. It's not just about saving my tenure, saving my job. It's about being out of the closet about PTSD whatever it takes, and living with it with all of the support I need from wherever I need it. From doctors, from here, from friends, from work, and--next--it'll be from the churches where I speak about PTSD, too. Because when I talk about supporting people about PTSD and getting past the stigma, that means me, too. Especially when PTSD symptoms cause me trouble and get in the way of what is otherwise a very good life I lead.

I think it's a good plan that is a win-win for us all, for me and my chair, VP, and the committee as well. I think it shows them that the tenure system works. They pointed out how great my evals are, but pointed out problems. I listened, didn't make excuses, and admitted to having a blind spot. Now I've identified my blind spot and have a plan to bring it into focus. That's the way it's supposed to work.

I know the world isn't fair, and I've experienced plenty of unfairness like we all have with PTSD. But there's a chance fairness is about to come to pass here with this plan, so your support would be great right now. I've got old friends calling from Minnesota, Texas, and Boston and I've run my plan by them and they think it's a good idea, too. That I've paved the way by behaving responsibly with my PTSD toward my Chair, VP, and the tenure committee such that now my plan will be respected. After all, it's not just a plan for my job, but for my health and my life's sake, and it's sincere.

Prayers and good thoughts welcome.