Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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HI Everyone,
I have been in a healing process from child abuse for a few years now. Lately, my body has been releasing more things to deal with. This is very hard and has caused me to be in excruciating pain emotionally. The amount of realities that have hit me and memories that have come back is rough. Because of all this, my therapy sessions have been more crucial.
Unfortunately, I am not sure therapy is going well. Tuesday I went in and we picked up where we left off. My counselor asks me how does it make me feel to know that everyone didn't have my back, I was off put that she started so deep so fast. Then as the session continues she keeps asking questions going further into this subject. I was very uncomfortable by this but I wasn't able to tell her that I was uncomfortable. I was very anxious so I am sure she could see that by my body language but, she kept going. 45 min into this session I was freaking out because she reacted sternly and abruptly in a way I didn't like or expect. My face felt so hot and I felt like I was about to lose control of myself( I don't like to show my deepest truest emotions to anyone) This scared me so, I kept my head down because i didn't know how to react and when I looked at her I could tell that she knew that i wasn't okay. At this time I needed her to step in and tell me what to do or tell me that I was okay or at least say lets move on to a different topic. She didn't do ANYTHING, she didn't show any compassion or direction. I felt horrible inside, still do. I am never vulnerable with people, including her, I trigger into this vulnerable spot and she didn't help me at all. She has never seen me this way, I don't react this way to anyone. 15 min go by and the talk is deep but i didn't allow it to go to deep and we were in the middle of the conversation and she says that we will continue this next time because we ran out of time. Seriously!?
I don't know if it is just me being emotionally raw or if i have a bad counselor. I feel like she left me in pieces. Here I have been addressing the hardest parts of my childhood(theres been a lot of them) it has taken years to get to this spot, and the person who is suppose to help me made it worse. For the past 3 days I have barely kept myself together. How do I get to the point where my emotions will settle back down? What should I do about this counselor? I dont know what to do.
Thank you for your time,
Renee
I have been in a healing process from child abuse for a few years now. Lately, my body has been releasing more things to deal with. This is very hard and has caused me to be in excruciating pain emotionally. The amount of realities that have hit me and memories that have come back is rough. Because of all this, my therapy sessions have been more crucial.
Unfortunately, I am not sure therapy is going well. Tuesday I went in and we picked up where we left off. My counselor asks me how does it make me feel to know that everyone didn't have my back, I was off put that she started so deep so fast. Then as the session continues she keeps asking questions going further into this subject. I was very uncomfortable by this but I wasn't able to tell her that I was uncomfortable. I was very anxious so I am sure she could see that by my body language but, she kept going. 45 min into this session I was freaking out because she reacted sternly and abruptly in a way I didn't like or expect. My face felt so hot and I felt like I was about to lose control of myself( I don't like to show my deepest truest emotions to anyone) This scared me so, I kept my head down because i didn't know how to react and when I looked at her I could tell that she knew that i wasn't okay. At this time I needed her to step in and tell me what to do or tell me that I was okay or at least say lets move on to a different topic. She didn't do ANYTHING, she didn't show any compassion or direction. I felt horrible inside, still do. I am never vulnerable with people, including her, I trigger into this vulnerable spot and she didn't help me at all. She has never seen me this way, I don't react this way to anyone. 15 min go by and the talk is deep but i didn't allow it to go to deep and we were in the middle of the conversation and she says that we will continue this next time because we ran out of time. Seriously!?
I don't know if it is just me being emotionally raw or if i have a bad counselor. I feel like she left me in pieces. Here I have been addressing the hardest parts of my childhood(theres been a lot of them) it has taken years to get to this spot, and the person who is suppose to help me made it worse. For the past 3 days I have barely kept myself together. How do I get to the point where my emotions will settle back down? What should I do about this counselor? I dont know what to do.
Thank you for your time,
Renee
It's good that you are opening up though. I've heard that memories coming back are a big step on the road of healing and it's normal to be raw and emotional after being confronted with them. Give it time, go easy on yourself and do something that relaxes you or makes you feel safe.
...as far as whipping right into it?
It's usually good to give a 10- minute chit chat first?
Then heavy-duty stuff in the first half, that way you have time to process before grounding and leaving.
I appreciate she wants to get stuff done? But if you start decompensating, that's bad.
You'll end up disrupting therapy, along with the rest of your life.
...You can feel free to print this and give this to her...
See how she reacts.
Then go with your gut feeling based on how she reacts.
...
It was like I needed help being launched into that atmosphere, and I needed help making a good landing at the end of every session.
It sounds like you're like a lot of us, that it would be helpful to be able to count on that kind of gentle start and finish. Blue's idea about printing this, including our comments from our side of things, and giving the print off to your therapist might be a good idea. Much support to you.
One thing that helped me tremendously is getting legal pads and pens and writing a lot. There was something very therapeutic about taking my thoughts from my head and physically putting them down on paper. So where the conversation ended abruptly because the therapist ran out of time, you can pick it up on your own on your own time with pen and paper. We all support you.
Do you think you feel comfortable telling her how you were feeling about the last session? My tdoc offered to let me pick a safe word to use if we were getting too deep on something. He knows that I had a hard time speaking up for myself.
A good therapist should revisit the assignment from the previous session (all sessions should have homework so you can progress, IMHO).
A professional should know the arc and timing of a session.
I'd give her feedback and (if you want) a chance to improve. If not, then start looking for a different one.
Short recap? Happened to me, I fired them because trust was broken, got new therapist, the end. I tolerate very little. I already survived enough.
Luck and healing to you
I've had things like that happened to me and it is horrible..A person like that can not help me.
I think its a good idea to talk to her about it...like others say.
maybe she was having a bad day but like others said if its a pattern...
I would either tell her or write her a e.mail or letter cancelling my appointments and telling her why.
To confront my counselor on how I feel scares me. I get anxious every time I step into the building. The thing is, I am not a scared type person, my job requires me to talk to people all the time! In regards to counseling, I am really weak. Everywhere else in my world I am able to put up boundaries and say no when I am uncomfortable. When i go into counseling its a completely different story. I act tough to my counselor, but im not. When it comes to talking about my childhood I crumble. I am to weak to say I am uncomfortable with this topic. I am to weak to tell her that I dont like what happened last session. I could never print what we've said here and show it to her, that terrifies me. I was able to stand up to my father when he was abusing other family members and tell him to stop. When it comes therapy, I am a marshmallow and I hate it.
I was thinking about finding another therapist that specialized in abuse. The one I have now is a generic. I am coming to a point in my healing process where I need compassion like crazy. I can not be this raw and do this on my own. My body is healing right now, I don't need to be pushed, I need some one to come along side me and be here for me. Can I find that in a counselor?
Thanks again
How would you guys suggest ending it with my other counselor? :/ Remember, I am sensitive, this will be very hard for me to do.
I am a little hesitant but yet excited to start the search for a new therapist. I really hope this works out.