Welcome to the group I hope you find hope and encouragement here. I'm sorry that you had to go through that phase in your life. I hope you continue on your healing journey with support of friends and also here on DS. I can relate to some of your fear and apprehensions as I am dealing with my own PTSD. please take heart in the fact that you are not alone and we are all here to help in the best way we can. Take care.

So sorry abuse from a loved one brought you here, but here you're not alone in that, so it's a healing place for those of us who come from such families. I'm one myself, abused by my dad from the age of 4. Weekly violence. Then they separated and I thought I was safe, but things got surprisingly worse. My abuser became my mom from the age of 14. She had bars put on my bedroom window so I couldn't get away from beatings she didn't do herself but she had done to me by a man in the house while she supervised. That went on until I escaped home at 17. We lived in a war zone overseas, and on the street I got caught up as a civilian kid in city combat, and a military pedophile got me twice. I wasn't safe, then, until I came to the USA alone as a teenager, and then once safe all of the PTSD symptoms caved in on me. It's taken years of meds and therapy to make me functional. The thing that keeps me that way is adding this support group to all of that. Welcome, then, I'm glad you found us.

Welcome, and I am so sorry! I don't have a pre-trauma life---I was 2 when the documented crap started. So.... Yeah. it's scary living outside that environment, b/c we're so used ot *it* but don't want it!

Like Muji, I'm from one of those families. Many of us are. SOmetimes, that sets us up to have PTSD from other traumas in life (like me, or some military veterans). Sometimes, we get functional, and then get non-functional, and just gotta keep our coping tools handy. THis group is a godsend for me, as the in-person group locally is for combat male veterans only.

Take it one small step at a time. Healing to you.

Welcome to the Board..... I'm glad you've found DS..... A lot of people here were badly traumatized by someone that they loved.... This is a supportive place.... and it's NOT your fault...... Gentle hug.....xo

Welcome to the group. A lot of good people here. You are at the beginning of your journey. A good trauma therapist and psychiatrist will be the best investment you can make. You may even need some meds to help you over some hurdles. You can overcome this. Ask about DBT and coping skills. You will need them. They make life manageable. Lots of support to you and hugs. Come here often. It helps.

Thank you so much to all. I am so blessed to have found this wonderful place where I can talk about this stuff without being judged or told to shut up. And in terms of getting a therapist, psychiatrist, doing DBT, taking meds, and stuff like that, I've actually done or do all of that. I have a psychiatrist and therapist (although neither are specialized in PTSD, which I may want to look for a therapist that is), and I do take meds. I also have done DBT for about 4 years now, and I've been in a partial hospital program (which is one step down from inpatient because I was able to convince everyone to let me do that instead of inpatient so I could graduate high school with all of my friends) for a month, inpatient recently, and have been working on this stuff for quite a while now. But I am so incredibly grateful for all of your help, support and suggestions. Thank you.

We are stronger together, Lolo. You are not only welcome to talk about this stuff here, you can rest assured that your personal honesty is helping others while you are helping yourself.

Share freely, share often. Welcome to the forum.

LoLo, so sorry for what your going through. Your story is very much similar to mine only I was married to my abuser for 28 years. It was not your fault and you are not to blame, your SD should have never hurt you whether physically or mentally or sexually. It was not your fault or anything you did. Still being confused about whether you still care for him or not is very normal. The longer you are away from him the better you will start to feel and less anxiety. As a child your parents are the ones who should be a role model for you. Your role models were broken so they are not the ones you want to immolate. I hope you are in therapy and perhaps join a support group where you can learn boundaries and how not to allow the past become your future. My counselor told me that having PTSD was like walking through the woods and all of a sudden a huge snake is laying in front of you all coiled up and ready to strike. Your reflexes immediately tighten in fear but as soon as you get far away from it you start to calm down and relax. The thing about PTSD is that being in a constant abusive situation you never get to the calm down & relax stage......we are constantly uptight because of our situation. Now you have to learn how to slowly calm yourself but to do that you need to be away from the cause. Do not fool yourself into thinking you did this or caused this because you didn't. That's why I suggest going to a counselor, they can give you the tools to help you learn how to calm down and less stressed. You will more than likely always have triggers that will pop up every now and then but they do become less & less and the time between gets longer and longer. I also had night terrors that seem so real, but they will become less & less also. You can survive this and it does get better with time.