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For the last two hours I've been sitting around, doing nothing. I've got so much school stuff to catch up on after missing it because of the concussion and apparently I'm still not 100% because the headache's back with a vengeance. Yay.
I should work now, I really can't afford to laze about right now, but I still do. It's too much. A week of schoolwork, studying for an exam, 2 presentations and 2 bigger assignments and I just... can't. My head hurts and a much too hight percentage of it is synapse-lynchingly boring. Though I can probably bullshit the presentations, I'm good at seeming like I know what I'm talking about especially in the sciences it's mostly logical thinking, that's something I can just make up on the spot.
I feel bad for being so lazy. I know that this is important, I'm only a few weeks away from my finals and I should really f*cking work right now, but I can't even seem to find the energy to care. But at the same time I feel like I'm too stupid to ever amount to anything. Like I'll never go to college, can never get a job I like, etc.
I know, life's not only about these things but then again, for me it kinda is, isn't it? I'll never have a relationship or children (asexual, so that's generally out of the question), my relationship with most of my family is civil at best and my circle of friends will do some serious shrinking eventually. But I'll be fine with being alone. All I ever wanted is to find a job I enjoy.
Aaaand now I sound like the stupid, pathetic, wise-arse teenager I am. Good job, Neo. Congrats.
Okay, enough with the whining. I'll get my shit together somehow and get it done. Maybe I'll pull an all-nighter or two, one of the few perks of insomnia. Urgh, I just want to curl up and listen to music right now.
This is probably just my self-sabotaging I'm-not-good-enough bullshit again. I'll get over it somehow (maybe with a looot of caffeine). Sorry for rambling.
Any advice on how to get motivation?
I should work now, I really can't afford to laze about right now, but I still do. It's too much. A week of schoolwork, studying for an exam, 2 presentations and 2 bigger assignments and I just... can't. My head hurts and a much too hight percentage of it is synapse-lynchingly boring. Though I can probably bullshit the presentations, I'm good at seeming like I know what I'm talking about especially in the sciences it's mostly logical thinking, that's something I can just make up on the spot.
I feel bad for being so lazy. I know that this is important, I'm only a few weeks away from my finals and I should really f*cking work right now, but I can't even seem to find the energy to care. But at the same time I feel like I'm too stupid to ever amount to anything. Like I'll never go to college, can never get a job I like, etc.
I know, life's not only about these things but then again, for me it kinda is, isn't it? I'll never have a relationship or children (asexual, so that's generally out of the question), my relationship with most of my family is civil at best and my circle of friends will do some serious shrinking eventually. But I'll be fine with being alone. All I ever wanted is to find a job I enjoy.
Aaaand now I sound like the stupid, pathetic, wise-arse teenager I am. Good job, Neo. Congrats.
Okay, enough with the whining. I'll get my shit together somehow and get it done. Maybe I'll pull an all-nighter or two, one of the few perks of insomnia. Urgh, I just want to curl up and listen to music right now.
This is probably just my self-sabotaging I'm-not-good-enough bullshit again. I'll get over it somehow (maybe with a looot of caffeine). Sorry for rambling.
Any advice on how to get motivation?
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Some things we don't talk about, we breathe them... Some things cannot be explained, but rather experienced. Some of the most healing moments arise when given the memory, acknowledging the love.One cannot go back in time; we move forward, and we carry the love we shared. No one but ourselves has the power to do so, or the permission to do so, but ourselves.So live life with your faith and...
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I've been feeling like I don't matter my wife the other day instead of telling me she was having a pain day when I went to have sex with her she tell me afterwards that she having pain day due to her fribromyalgia and making feel like shit afterward saying she has a list of things from past 9 years of thing for me to do and is always adding more and more to this list and talk...
this is the best place to ramble and vent so no apology needed. can i ask a favor? please don't call yourself stupid. you're not. its an icky word. being a wise-arss has its benefits in the long run. it has gotten me out of quite a number of sticky situations. especially when i stopped using that icky word.
p.s. i'm asexual too.
I have been on Ritalin in like 9 months now and I have difficulty getting motivated when I only have one thing to do. I get so distracted by everything because well just because. What was the question again?
Motivation that's it. I get motivated by making a list of priorities. Which assignment is due first and which one will take the most time to complete are at the top. I learned a little trick when making a list though. Always always always have your number 1 thing to do as "Make a list". That way you can immediately cross it off and feel better because you got the first thing done.
Sorry to ramble, but as a former wise-arse teen to a current one? One bite, one step, one word at a time.
Every single one of my long-term efforts have run into a phenom that sounds an awful lot like this. All of them. No exceptions. Even my efforts to be a good sloth keep meeting with my energetic nature and proving to be unsustainable.
Among the many things I have called my own is, "Brain Freeze." I have had therapy discussions speculating that it might even be dissociation. Who knows? By whatever name, kicking the habit of beating myself up over it was my own first step in getting past it. It is hard to observe the phenom when I am busy giving myself black eyes.
Rambling allowed here, Neo. Sometimes it helps. Hope it helped you this time.
Sometimes you just need a break so you don't burn out. Then when you come back you can focus and concentrate better. Trusting that is hard, but it sounds like you're a responsible guy. Your list of stuff to do sure sounds like a lot.
I consider going away for a break and coming back to be part of the overall work process, too, you know what I mean? Like that saying that says "all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." I can get stuck in the "dullness" when I'm getting burnt out and think I'm lazy when really it's time for some rest & recreation to come back fresh. Maybe you're just stuck in that "dull boy" thing and not lazy, Neo, what do you think?