I guess my question is the one my therapist hit me between the eyes with about 3 years ago...
What self do you want to go back to?
And do you want to go back to that self, really? Or just get away from the pain and confusion of *now*? Because that's two different things... And the latter? COme swith time, work, healing, and possibly getting away from the triggering person/situation....
I use a lot of breathing-calming exercises, and therapy, and did I mention therapy? Yeah.

Thanks for responding to me. I have been doing therapy. This caught me by surprise because it has not happened like this
1) because he has not triggered it to happen in a long time.
2) the last time it happened at the beginning of summer it was my oldest child who triggered it. It was not has hard as this one.
I have done EMDR on the OW and him. I see I need more. I just can not look at my H right now I can not stand him. Even though what happened the other day could happen in any relationship but since I was traumatized from him I guess it is a harder one to deal with. He hates himself that he did this in the 1st place and he caused this in me the other day. He is trying so hard to engage me but I do not want it. He even asks me do you want me around or should I go else where. Else where please! So he is giving me my space. But I can not let him do this to me either. I told him that he is lucky that he is still even in this house most people would of kicked him out after the trickle truth.
I did listen to Jeannie Robertson last night on u tube that was fun. As funny as it was I wish I could speak of my husband the way she does. I also slept with my littlest one last night which was fun talking with him before falling asleep. Maybe some yoga? I am just desperate to feel better. Because the flight or fight mode is not fun. At least everyday since Friday my heart rate is slowly climbing down. Thank you so much for writing me. I wish you well and peace on your journey.

Hi lethealbegin. Welcome to the forum.

Have you been diagnosed with PTSD? Are you in therapy?

No, you don't have to answer. It makes no difference in your welcome here. Just curious.

Sorry for your pain. Divorce drama is no fun. Hope you find healing companionship here. Welcome aboard.

Sorry for what you are going through. There are forums here that deal specifically with divorce and breakups if that might help more. Like arfie said, you are welcome here, just offering up another board that might be as helpful for you

Yes I was diagnosised with PTSD a few years ago due to his infidelity and how he chose to continue to lie. He was not cheating anymore but really was not working on changing himself and stopping his lying. He has been working on himself and has made positive changes. I am sorry if you could not understand what I was asking for. What I wanted to know is when you are triggered into what I call is PTSD hell, flight and fight mode. Where your pulse is high until you start calming down which took me at least 24 hours until I saw my pulse starting to drop. Since this event was caused by him on Thursday when he left in the middle of an argument because his ride was here and he went silent for a few which brought me back into what I call Ptsd hell. How to I climb out of this hell that I have been in since Thursday. I am irratable, mad and etc.. I can not even look at him. How do you move away from feeling like hell?

I came home from my offline face to face support group early a few years ago to surprise my wife and take her out to dinner. Coming home early, though, it turned out the surprise was on me. My wife was involved with a co-worker from my job.

She's with him permanently now. As for me, the surprise that my wife was using my support group schedule to carry on an affair behind my back pushed me over the edge into a deep PTSD crisis. I was hospitalized for it for 4 days, then started the long journey back. We got a divorce, and she was violently verbally abuse throughout the proceedings. The last time I saw her she was being ejected from the courtroom by the bailiff for verbally abusing the judge. It was like she was someone I didn't know after 10 years of marriage.

I never understood my wife's motive in all of it. She had been the one who suggested that I go to a therapist and get my PTSD diagnosis to begin with. So that seemed supportive to me, and I never missed my weekly face to face support group meetings after that for the next five years.

Unfortunately, she came to count on my steadfast attendance to my support group for other purposes having to do with carrying on her affair. Infidelity really touched off some abandonment issues I had related to my PTSD I got from being in a violent family as a kid. So I'm really sorry to hear that you've had this experience with PTSD and infidelity, too, but I'm glad you found us. This is a healing group.

I think that it's hard to come down from it, b/c I was triggered by my hubby just b/c my PTSD is red-hot right now.... So just focus on management of your symptoms, maybe, and keep venting here. It's hard to know how to get through the hell other than "Don't stop trying to get out"... Sorry.

Thank you all for your compassion. I wish all of you peace on your journey!

I still haven't found a quick fix for that, "PTSD hell." Pills are the quickest relief I have found, but the relief wears off before the hangover.

I take my own episodes in small bytes and long chews. I take it in little bits, taking care to spit out digestible pieces as I go, and chew slowly and thoroughly until it feels safe to swallow, using a collection of therapy tools I have collected along the way to help the "medicine" go down. I know. It is about as vague as it sounds, but I still haven't found a clear, easy way. I lecture myself continually to be patient with the process. Sharing with my peer supporters as I go helps with the sorting and reality checks.

Gentle support while you find what works for you.

Hey, I don't know why, but part of being in a support group for PTSD is that it seems that repetition brings me some mastery over my past. In other words, writing about it here in a healing place repeatedly seems to balance out the pain of repeatedly experiencing the trauma in flashbacks.

So I've been here writing about the same set of traumatic experiences over and over for 4 years now. Outside of this support group space that would seem pointless, but here it seems that while I am repeating what I've written before, every time I do it with less tears, less rage, less shame. I get "mastery" over it somehow.

A lot of it has to do with the sense of safety I feel here. Plus, it has to do also with the fact that I know others have similar stories, too. And others know about repeating them, to one extent or another.

So I hope you feel welcome and write here any time, let.

welcome to the group and i'm so sorry for what is bringing you here. that horror of knowing you've had your mind messed with is one of the worst sorts of things to overcome, especially with all the twists and turns over the years, too many complications and ongoing confusions make it all worse and so painful. i do hope you will feel good about talking whenever you are up to it, or just being part of things day by day, that helps me a lot here, simply being here. gentle hugs, i'm Lilly

hum- you need to distance yourself from him. I took my husband back after he cheated in '04 needless to say from '04 to '10 I hated his guts and couldn't stand to be around him and couldn't wait for him to leave each day to go to work. I would hate coming home from work. I couldn't trust him anymore. it ended in 2010 he cheated again. once a cheat and lier always 1. they never change. now looking back I regret taking him back I could've been happy those years. I took him back bc of our son. if it doesn't work the 1st time its not gonna work a 2nd time.

as far as your ptsd goes looks like hes the cause of it. get rid of him 1st. go to therapy and maybe try meds.

hugging you some more : ) well, i am old now - old-ish. most of the time i don't think i am, i think i am an 8 yr old red headed brat. but i am single, not attached. i didn't see that coming way back when, that's for sure. i haven't ever been pregnant. for some reason, i knew i wouldn't - not that i did not want children, i just knew that i wouldn't be pregnant myself. anyway, i am single now and will most likely remain that way.

for one thing, i can't see myself being interested in ... well mostly, asking someone to share a life with me as sick as i am. not the PTSD part so much as the physical disabilities. but the trust part, tight pinching feeling goes here... i don't know. i trust, very easily, and i like to, i like it a lot :O) i like to stay sunny and smiling and laugh a lot. all good reasons to stay single. hmmmm