Everything is weighing heavily on me and I don’t feel like I have words to even explain. That’s hard. I called S yesterday in tears with no explaination, just asking her to pray with me. And M is wanting to spend time with me. I love and admire her and I’m excited but also terrified. It does not make sense and I like my walls. Most people in my life have not accepted me for me and I am tired of not being accepted. I’m tired of being a project and I am tired of being hurt. I know she wants to be a friend and I don’t know if that’s something I can do. The difference in life and death is being willing to accept good things and strong enough to keep bad things at a distance. I just keep everything at a distance.