I wish that I had some great words of wisdom or strength but I'm not really sure what to tell you. I have a friend who says that suicide is the longtime relief to a short term problem. He's gotten me through a few downers with that one. I don't know what it's like to live with the every day reminder of your trauma, for me it was a near fatal drowning of my little girl at the naval academy swimming pool...I am a now ex-navy wife. I kinda lost it for a few years. And my daughter thankfully has no memory of the event, she wasn't breathing and had no pulse when they got her out. I dream about that moment alot. And the nurse who just happened to be there and saved her life. I slept in her bed with her for weeks...I was that out of it. Still on meds for PTSD. Good luck to you and I hope you find some peace.

Dennis, you have freinds here that care and understand.

Lots of us feel the same way i am sure, i know that i do at times.

Something that really pulls me life through is faith, and empowerment, i tell myself that i am not going to give all these crappy feelings power over me, im not going to let it take away my life. enough was taken from me, and im not going to take away more. I have power and i am in charge.

At times that doesnt work and as scared as i am i tell the ppl around me i am having suicidal ideations or suicidal. the relief in telling someone 4 me is tremendous. i feel so much safer and better that someone knows.

It sounds like you dont have much support around you, seeing a psychologist is doing so much for me. i can say and talk without judgment. another good thing is that she is not someone i will be seeing at an event, she is not friend nor family.
it really pulls me through.

I'm not sure what to tell you either, Dennis. Losing a limb is not something I could understand, I suppose.

I do know about giving up, though. I've had a lot of trauma in my life, lost people and companion animals I cared about, and been chronically ill for a very long time.

As I see it, this is not the end of your life, it's only a really bad part of it. You have a future...maybe not the one you expected, but it is a future and you really don't know what it is going to be, no one does.

I don't have that many years left, and I'm too sick now to do any of the things I wanted to do in my life. You have so many possibilities in your future that I don't have. Don't throw them away because the gift of life is not up to your standards. Find something positive to focus on and resolve that you are not going to give up.

You can regain control, I'm sure you can do it. Believe in yourself.

It has become a bit of a cliche, but probably only because it contains a major truth: "The only way out is through." If you can allow yourself to feel these emotions, as painful as they are, and not push them away or sedate them - then you can integrate them. And that's how you get to the other side. Emotions are not are enemy, even though our culture has often taught us that they are. Emotions are really "energy in motion" - and by feeling them and accepting their presence we can integrate them. Once we have done this we can start to feel more peaceful. A book I would recommend is "The Presence Process" by Michael Brown. It's offers a concrete process for integrating grief, anger and sadness. A quote on the back that I've always liked is: "Personal peace is not given to us by others - it arises through our response to ourselves."

Thank you all for your support I know that someday it will be better I just have to believe and enjoy today no matter how bad the day is. As my mother always told me the past is like water under the bridge its is the past and there is nothing going to change it, only thing we can change is today.

I also would like you all to know what I have lived through the past three years, first I had to put my Merlin to sleep due to cancer he help me to get back on my feet by taking him for walks because that what he like to do the best. My wife went through breast cancer last year she lost both of her breast to make sure they got all of the cancer plus she went through cemo. Last year my father in-law died of cancer all of this time I was dealing with the lost of my leg and all of emtion that goes along with that. I just hope all of the bad thing in life take a break for a while not sure on how much I can take.


Thank you
Dennis

Hi Dennis, Your pain comes through very clearly. It sounds like you've been through the tragedy of losing your leg. But the pain didn't stop. Now you're out of your mind with emotional and mental pain. Perhaps this present pain is even worse than losing your leg. That's what it sounds like reading your post. If you stay around a read what others post, you will find you're not alone. Probably the vast majority of us have been through the kind of harsh suffering you're going through now. There is a way out. It takes time and you have to suffer while you learn to heal. But it is possible. Listen to what Farah123 says about ways to heal. I very much hope you do stick around and let us get to know you and maybe we can continue to be a support to you. One of the ways to ease your pain can come from offering support to others here. You probably have much to offer. Here is an opportunity to help others and be appreciated for you help. It is one of the ways we heal, by helping others. Peace.

I'm so glad that you have hope in your family and that is one thing that keeps you from hurting yourself. Now, its time to start your healing. There are many programs for PTSD out there and I would encourage you to get a counselor that specializes in trauma. You are so special to God! Stay safe and may God bless your day!