You are going to be fine because you already know that it's not true. You have amazing, wonderful things going on In your life. You are doing fantastic in school, you have great friends and a loving sister who support you. And you are accomplishing all of this with all of the adversity. At your age, you plan for your future, and keep tunnel-vision each and every day as you work towards your goals. 95% of you knows that you are going to do this. Just do it, and the 5% will shut up in time.

Going into my "godmother" lecture mode. (Pity my 7 godsons. The oldest ones get this now and then, they're in their teens.)

You have so much potential to tap---much of it you may not even discover for years yet---and you have to ask yourself what you're going to measure success by. Is it by money, by rank, by (fill in blank)? You can't let others decide what you'll decide is your version of success. That eats too many people alive. And for me, at least, that shut up a lot of the "I will fail" voice inside me. And that can change as you move ahead in life. Let yourself have the *success* of so-called failure---ask any successful person, they'll tell you that they learned a lot from failure. (OMG, just quoted my husband's magazine, titled "Success.") I know it applies to me.

No idea if that helped, but trust me on this: You already contribute to the world. So imagine what you can do in the future.

I had a series of traumas in the war zone overseas in which I grew up, starting at age 9 on to when I got out as a refugee at 17, came to the US, and finished college.

My big PTSD symptoms didn't come on strong until I was 22, and then bang. My 20s were hell. I tried and tried to get help, but I didn't really get a good therapist and psychiatrist's diagnosis until I was 37.

I'm lucky I survived my 20s, so I relate to what you said about not feeling confident of a long life and accomplishments. All I can say is that I've got hope that your being here younger than I was will work in your favor. I'm 56 now, so I surprised myself and got old. Despite the incurable kidney disease, diabetes, and other old guy stuff, I've got a lot of support for PTSD and actually look forward to 76. Knock on wood.

Much support to you, neo. You give a lot here, so you deserve to get everything back that you need.

I thought I would kill myself before graduating from high school.

My whole adult life is a totally unexpected and unplanned-for occurrence.
Hard, but worth living.

What I wished my 18-year old self knew:

Depression passes.
Be practical.
Don't bypass opportunity because you fear you can't handle it, give yourself a shot.
Try and treat yourself with the same love you give others.
Beating yourself up for messing up is totally nonproductive...apologies, amends and repair ARE productive
Listen to your hunches about people, they are very often right.
You're lovable, no matter what a mess you are.
( And trust me, I really was a mess )
Trust slowly.
Just because you love someone and they love you * does not mean* that you are good for each other.
Exercise is GREAT!

Well I'm a sexual abuse survivor and survived alot of other crap too. Sorry stuff just didnt' fit. I read somewhere that abuse survivors tend to think they are going to die or get cancer etc more often than non abused people. So I guess for me knowing that fact has helped me let go of those beliefs mostly. As you said it isn't based on anything real. The mind is an incredible thing and thoughts are incredibly powerful and greatly affect how you feel. Train your mind to always battle the lies with truth now and your feelings won't have time to get in the way. I'm a christian also and it was quite something for me to realize that i can and should take captive my thoughts. Now I can't always of course and I get in a tail spin sometimes but that's the goal. I also believe the enemy likes to tell us lies like we are going to fail, we aren't good enough blah blah so it isn't a surprise to me these thoughts come up. I just have to have the truth to slay them with. Make sure you surround yourself with positive people, listen to positive messages etc. I read a book a called battlefield of the mind by joyce meyer that really gave me some tools to help with the self doubt. You can do this you will be great!!!