Have you been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder??? If so, do you have a psychiatrist? And a therapist? You can learn to integrate your "personalities" with a good therapist. If you're fighting this alone STOP. Get help, it's out there. God bless and watch over you.

Elzeena I am working with a a psychiatrist and and a theropist. We have been dealing with each individual traumas and slowly we are getting to know each other and trust each other. It just takes a long time to get through all their issues.I'v been in a few inpatient facilities but most of the real work happens slowly with my therapist weekly. I've been on disability for two years. I'm so afraid I'll never be whole again. Or shut my eyes at night with out the shadows tormenting me. I've been suicide since I was 14 years old. I'm in my late 40's. Have attempted suicide a few times. I am becoming to realize that Jesus is the only one who could love all of me, broken andtanted!

When I moved in with a friend who knew about my alters (and was very open and affectionate towards them,) they started coming out more and more. Especially young ones. It was very upsetting to me at the time because I felt out of control and and confused. And like I was getting worse instead of better. However, around that time I also started EMDR - and after several months of that - I now no longer switch. I attribute this largely to the the EMDR, but also to the fact that when I have a feeling or a thought and I want to say, "A part of me feels.... or a part of me thinks..." Instead, I force myself to say, "I feel... I think..." and so I own ALL feelings as my mine. This is very very uncomfortable and sometimes I fear what kind of reaction I will get. Because it seems safer to say to someone, "A part of me feels like you don't care." Than to say, "Right now, I feel like you don't care." But using the word "I" and taking ownership of my feelings is making me feel more and more empowered as time goes by. I am allowed to have feelings and express them. Anyway, I just thought I would share my experiences.

I hope you can learn to love yourself - ALL of you! You are not tainted, you were abused. That was not your choice. And you are not broken, you did what you had to to survive.

Jessica you're not broken, you're ALL "there" and it's ALL "you". I think from the answer you gave that you're seriously and carefully addressing this with great patience AND courage. God doesn't make junk, every life is precious. He's helping and always will, just don't let go. God bless.

Different personalities can emerge to hold specific traumas, but they can also emerge to express certain emotions, do certain behaviors, etc - they are not all always there because they each went thru a separate trauma.

Also, some people decide that they want to integrate each personality into the host and some decide that they want to learn to be more in control of the switching but still remain separate. Each option is viable and you need to decide which will work best for you. People can and do function well with either choice after going thru therapy .

Also, in case you didn't know, there is an MPD grp on DS. (Should be called DID so you may have looked and not found it). Though many are on here and there as well,, you may find more answers re the DID there.

Jenny, I am sorry to hear that you didn't get good responses on the DID (MPD) board. I have not posted that much there but the few times I have asked for support I have had some good answers.

I hope that you don't mean that you think that deciding not to integrate is wanting to perpetuate the illness, though. It is very possible to overcome it and have a very good successful life without integrating if that's what one chooses.

I really liked the saying by Elizeena, "God doesn't make junk" It's a wonderful reminder that we are all meaningful. I forget that sometimes in my illnesses and feel like a car thats a lemon and should be thrown on the junk pile. This was a good reminder that I'm not junk. I don't believe in a religion or anything, but maybe a higer power we can't discern, but whatever it may be, I think the saying is just as valid. I think I will make a big copy and put it on my fridge to remind myself, thanks.

Wow it is so amazing that so many other people suffer with the same issues as I have. I used to feel like a freak. Thank you all of you for your responces. Yes I am diagnoised with DID PTSD. I just started a year ago to allow the personalities out with my theropist. I am not at the place to call them me. However I have accepted most of the traumas with the exeption of 2 other alter One of them involves satanic sexual abuse. It's horrific. I am certain that God will get me through this also. BTW Farah123 try using a slinky as an EMDR tool it helps in od places. I have one in my purse. One in the car. And a few others around the house. The kids think it's comical but they also know if I'm playing I'm working. You all have been such a blessing sharing your experiences. Thanks! Have a blessed day!