Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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I can't hold it together much longer

JessicaChase
JessicaChase
Everyday before work I cry I cry after work I cry myself to sleep..I am alone. My son still waits in kuwait,my daughter is in London.I fear going out of the house and seeing people but my disability long term runs out so I have to work. There is not a day that goes by that I ask the Lord to take me home. I do not want be here any more. Just when you think your getting better a new personality pops out or your feeling so ashamed for wanting to kill yourself that it's killing you. I suffer daily and worse at night about wanting to take my life. If I can just hold on till my son gets back. I need to see him. I am sorry everyone about this constant suicide thing .I just do not know where else to go. I'v been cutting again too.There has to be some place for someone like me. I'm so tire of cying all th time. I try to pray but I do not get a responce. Does anybody else feel like dying all the time too?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm very sorry that you are suffering. I relate to a lot of what you wrote. After several months of being grounded and feeling fairly integrated, I was triggered yesterday and couldn't prevent myself from slipping away into a dissociative state. Although I've finally broken out of it - for a while, the part lingered. I felt very strange; I barely recognized my roommate, and suddenly distrusted him. And I was at yoga today and couldn't remember a very simple posture I have done hundreds of times. Anyway, I also pray - because I sometimes feel as if I have no place in the world. No family, no job - I feel very directionless. In the past, I would get a response - maybe a creative idea, or an intuitive impulse. But I haven't had these for a very long time and am sad about that. And maybe some of the ones I have had, I have a hard time trusting.

I also often feel that I don't want to be here anymore. But I think there must be some reason I am here - even if I don't understand it, or am not really able to hear/intuit it right now.

Life is peaks and valleys. I try to remind myself of this and that these feelings won't last forever. If I allow them to, they will pass.
JessicaChase
JessicaChase
You are right. I'm just afraid one day I will not remember that .
KickingIT
KickingIT
It can be very tough, especially when alone, I know that is a lot of my struggle too, you can do it, please don't hurt yourself you are too precious to be hurt, beside you hurt one of my friends you'll have to answer to me ;-D

((HUG))
RichieD
RichieD
Hang on, try to get through this difficult time without doing anything that can't be fixed. You know what can happen with cutting.

I know how hard life can be, believe me. Try to think of this as a temporary low spot, and set your sights on getting through it to better times ahead.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Stay strong. It is hard. Keep praying friend. Keep loving yourself and your children...stay strong for yourself for them and for god. He knows what your going through. Keep praying and crying all your troubles unto him. You are in a tough spot right now. It will get better.
Try to watch something light at night, like some comedy, it can cheer you up a bit, for a little while. Or dive into the bible if you have been praying. Psalms are a great spot that deal with our deepest struggles. I hope you feel better and lighter soon.