Big hug for you muji.... I am so sorry that you've hurt your ankle.... I'm glad that your boss wrote you back

I think this says more about her then it does about chronic illness... Perhaps she has something going on in her own life that she's struggling with... This was sort of an angry response and anger comes from the inside out

I'm so glad you received a nice email afterwards

Some people aren't tolerant of others and I do think that comes from within them whether it's perhaps fear or frustration I think it depends on the person

Another hug and a blessing...xo

You can't "keep anyone on your team", if they don't want to be supportive...they don't have to be.

That said, is walking at commencement that big of a deal? They probably have more people trying to ditch the responsibility than people with genuine excuses. Her response to you, probably got caught up in the responses to those other people...who probably did deserve a cold response.

Possible? IDK...you tell me.

Then after she'd dealt with the stress of getting the commencement all finished, she came back with a supportive response.

Personally, I'd let it pass. I'm pretty sure that she gets that you're not faking. Is there something that you can do sitting down that can make her job easier? If so, do that. Don't offer...just do it.

GO GO ADVISE MODE!!!!

the few things i've noticed that ease the gears with chronic issues and those inevitable off days is how well the person(s) know you and your work ethic personally, word craft, and the counter proposal.

when someone knows you personally (as a person and not the guy that works for me) they are more inclined to understanding your situation. the flip of that is they may also get more "comfortable" around you. when that certain level of familiarity is hit people let down their guard a bit and you see a little more of their day to day crazy. we all do it subconsciously. it is a tricky line to walk.

we live in a digital computer screen world. sometimes we can forget that there are flesh and souls on the other end of that satellite link. we can never actually know the state of mind that the reader on the other side of that link is in. too often a message sent in total neutrality hits that inbox at the wrong moment and there is nothing we can do about it. word craft is taking the moment to realize thins and think a bit while we are typing and on the flip take a moment when reading something. the best solution in my mind will always be a phone call or in person of course.

lastly is the counter proposal. if you must break a commitment to Anyone, offer a counter proposal and Keep It! now this is my hot button. there are a few situations it may not apply, but in general it is the best way to show you equally support those who you ask support from. be honest with the person you have to cancel on as to why you need time to heal. then offer, even if tentatively, options that accommodate yourself and the other person so as not to loose any momentum you may have.

these are things i have found in my experiences with chronic pain and what i look for in others.

Muji, I can sure understand having an ankle, knees and pelvic spurs decide how long and how far you can go. I can be in midstep and have all lock up or seize painful cramps. In my old neighborhood after many years of watching John assist me when this happened, my neighbors would brink me walking sticks or support me until I could work out the bone locking, here I don't have that.It leaves me stuck where I am at until a crackle of bone adjust, then the pain can be dealt with to get me to safety.
I fear walking very far, because I would need to sit, fall or remain in place until I could move if BabyD were not with me. But at other times when my meds are fresh, I appear normal. I get the nastiest looks with my handicap parking place, and stickers, but they are necessary. The same with the motor chair for shopping, I would have to go shopping several times to get things in some stores as big as a city block square. At classes there are benches and rails I use, I am also not afraid to ask for help anymore when the distance scares me on a bad day to get things brought to me.(Thank you for the examples of the years here)

What I am saying is you also need to add ALL your chronic afflictions to your disability record. Because a swelled ankle to someone that is diabetic, is a recipe for gangrene and amputation. Which if you were shy about asking for a rolling chair or an amigo before, would make it required.
Neuropathy in your feet allow your foot to land in an angle just off enough to injure or irritate the tendons in your feet, then POOF, swelling and ...vein constriction. Adding to the kidney condition? will bring a whole new meaning to isolation.

Now that the boss has less stress, find out where the chairs are to reserve for functions, they may even be available at the commercial site for events. Then reserve for your use at events like this. Your safety is worth the effort when your students would want your presence as well as that of administrators they may only see once if that in a whole year.

Hugs of support.
J.

How sagacious the little mouse who never entrusts their safety to one door only. ~Poor Richard

On the receiving end, I try to stay realistic on how much I can expect from any one person. Hence my support network. It helps to distribute the load. Staying sensitive to the needs and limits of my supporters also helps me resist the temptation to fold in on myself or isolate myself at the Center of the Universe. When I MUST include a person who looks dangerously close to burn-out, I keep them informed with very broad strokes. I try to avoid judgement or petulance in my over-tones. I try to keep it to just the facts which directly impact them. I trust them to let me know how much detail they can handle. I assure them it is okay to have human limitations. I am not confusing them with cartoon super heroes.

The very same support network which helps me distribute the needs of my own ailments also help me manage the stresses of being supportive of someone else's needs. The original multi-tasking?

I've lerned to simply tell them, "If I could predict it, I would, ut here's what my doctors say in general..." and that tends to work. its hows them I'm on top of it, and in some cases, I've gotten "letters" from the docs about it. (Epilepsy.) This shows 1. I'm in treatment 2. educated and 3. tells them what docs say, so they know I ain't lyin'.

In the case of commencement, that may have been an event coordinated by the college VP?

Meanwhile, healing to your ankle and blessings on you.

hugs, Muj. I am so sorry your ankle is hurt, it is easily done isn't it. and so frustrating once it happens, not to mention knowing you are in a pickle : (

I have to go with everything Jewell said our Muj. let them know about the trio of things that can complicate the heck out of your day with ZERO warning for you. The plan to have an amigo at your disposal is a perfect one - most schools have them, even hotels these days - but especially schools.

even if you only need it now and again, how great to have it there should you need it occasionally. a student volunteer could even meet you at your car - we did things like that when I volunteered at our school's office for student's w/disabiites. doing things like that was just part of the day and made us smile. (I couldn't do it, but the others loved to).

people love to have you suggest ways you can help them better :O) wrap it all up in positive language - it truly is a plan that will be a benefit to the school.